dual personalities

Category: Uncategorized

April 4, 2019

Mutual incomprehension

by chuckofish

“You can know a thing to death and be for all purposes completely ignorant of it. A man can know his father, or his son, and there might still be nothing between them but loyalty and love and mutual incomprehension.”
― Marilynne Robinson, Gilead

Today is our father’s birthday. He would have been 97!

I have forgiven my father for a lot and forgotten even more.

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I am grateful to him for tying the knot with my mother and for going to work all those years and supporting us when he might have been doing something else. We were a boisterous trio of kids and we annoyed him frequently, if not endlessly. That’s the impression he gave anyway. I wish he could have enjoyed us more. I think all fathers should enjoy their children. They grow up pretty fast and move on and have children of their own.

Well, I know for a fact that the boy enjoys his children.

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May it always be so.

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord; 5 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart; 7 and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 And you shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

–Deuteronomy 6:4-9

(Pssst. A frontlet is a decorative band or ornament worn on the forehead.)

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April 3, 2019

Quietness of heart

by chuckofish

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“Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.”
― Andrew Murray

Sixty years of ministry in the Dutch Reformed Church of South Africa, more than 200 books and tracts on Christian spirituality and ministry, extensive social work, and the founding of educational institutions—all these were outward signs of the inward grace that Andrew Murray experienced by continually casting himself on Christ.

“May not a single moment of my life be spent outside the light, love, and joy of God’s presence,” was his prayer. “And not a moment without the entire surrender of myself as a vessel for him to fill full of his Spirit and his love.”

The woodblock print is by Frances Hammell Gearhart.

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April 2, 2019

“You’re a very fine swan indeed! “*

by chuckofish

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“To be born in a duck’s nest in a farmyard is of no consequence to a bird if it is hatched from a swan’s egg. He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the newcomer and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.”

–Hans Christian Andersen, “The Ugly Duckling” (1843)

Some say that Andersen considered this story to be autobiographical. As a child, he was mocked for his big nose and large feet, as well as for his beautiful singing voice and love of theater. There were also rumors that Hans Christian Andersen was the illegitimate son of King Christian VIII of Denmark! It is a story that many children can relate to on some level–at least those who feel excluded in some way from their peers.

Anyway, today is the birthday of Hans Christian Andersen (1805 – 1875), the great Danish writer, who is the author of many personal favorites. Our mother could not read through “The Little Match Girl” without weeping, which was quite disconcerting to me as a small child.

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I will toast him tonight and perhaps listen to Danny Kaye singing about the Ugly Duckling…

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Man oh man, the things people put on YouTube!

*Frank Loesser, “The Ugly Duckling”

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April 1, 2019

“Run the straight race through God’s good grace”*

by chuckofish

It rained most of Saturday; our front yard is a pond again. But daughter #1 drove in to town on Saturday morning to go to an event that night, so we went out in the rain to a really good estate sale where we made out like bandits, limited only by the size of my car and our puritanical sense of restraint.

She got a really nice chair and a lamp and I got a mirror…

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and a vintage waste basket. It was one of those houses where an Episcopalian has lived for 50 years and it all looks and feels extremely familiar to me right down to the books and records, collections, art and furniture.

Daughter #1 went home to mid-MO on Sunday morning, having led her trivia team to victory (First Place!) at the Mercy Hospital NICU trivia night fundraiser, along with the boy and daughter #3 and some of their friends. I stayed home and watched Move Over, Darling (1963) with Doris Day, which went along nicely with my self-comforting plans.

The wee babes and their parents came over for Sunday night dinner. The OM tried out his new barbecue, which he had spent all weekend putting together.

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The burgers and hotdogs turned out nicely!

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And the Florida room is open for business!

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Another busy week commences and a new month! As usual, I’m taking it one day at a time.

*John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811-1875)

Fight the good fight with all thy might!

Christ is thy strength, and Christ thy right;

Lay hold on life, and it shall be

Thy joy and crown eternally.

Run the straight race through God’s good grace,

Lift up thine eyes, and seek His face;

Life with its way before us lies,

Christ is the path, and Christ the prize.

Cast care aside, lean on thy Guide;

His boundless mercy will provide;

Trust, and thy trusting soul shall prove

Christ is its life, and Christ its love.

Faint not nor fear, His arms are near,

He changeth not, and thou art dear;

Only believe, and thou shalt see

That Christ is all in all to thee.

4 Comments
March 30, 2019

Seize the day — or NOT.

by chuckofish

It’s a dark, rainy morning — exactly what I’ve been waiting for. After the snowy silence of winter, the sound of rain brings real pleasure.  This is perfect writing weather, and that’s what I need to get doing. That looming deadline is inspiring all sorts of stress ailments and avoidance behavior, and I am getting nowhere fast. I kid you not, I have written and re-written the first paragraph of this paper for the last two weeks.

Having established that I am suffering from writer’s block, let’s move on to avoidance behavior, which, though it does little to alleviate stress, is much more fun. If I have any well-developed talent, it is an ability to convince myself that what I want to do needs to be done RIGHT NOW, and what I should be doing can wait. Here are my favorite ways to fool myself.

1. I do easy tasks that could wait (email, grade quizzes, type up notes…), but tell myself that it’s still work, so it counts.

2. I clean a room or do laundry. That counts, too, because of course we need to have clean houses and clothes to wear. Cooking also counts.

3. I do ‘research’ on the internet (e.g., genealogy or antique hunting), read, listen to music, or look at art — the search for inspiration takes time! Contemplating interesting paintings should help:

Painting by Philippe Charles Jacquet, found on Google Image.

4. I take a walk or do some Tai Chi. Here I am striking a pose on Dartmoor on a blustery day in 2018.

5. I attend a meeting, where I can daydream to my heart’s content. Obviously, meetings count as work, and if I do not pay attention, I do not get annoyed, so it’s a win-win situation.

Yet, as I diligently avoid working on some project, it is ticking along in the back of my brain. Sometimes in order to make progress on one thing, you have to do something else. At least that is what I tell myself.

Undoubtedly, Bill Watterson’s view is more accurate:

I’m experiencing a sense of déjà vu here, which probably means that I’ve posted about all this before. Oh, well, at least illustrations are new.

Time to get back to that introductory paragraph. Maybe today is the day I’ll be able to move to the next one.

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March 29, 2019

“In the long run, you hit only what you aim for.”*

by chuckofish

Well, my hard week is almost over, but next week doesn’t look much better.😩

C’est la vie.

I  plan to have a restorative weekend. We all have our personal self-comforting techniques and I will utilize all of mine.Screen Shot 2019-03-28 at 5.37.41 PM.png

T.G.I.F. Enjoy your weekend.

*Henry David Thoreau

 

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March 28, 2019

Time marches on

by chuckofish

April is just around the corner. The year is almost a quarter over!

The 50th anniversaries of some big events are coming up this year.

There’s the moon landing of Apollo 11 on July 20…

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…and Woodstock, of course, in August…

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…and our brother’s 50th high school reunion is this May.

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Sigh. Time marches on.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90: 12)

8 Comments
March 27, 2019

Another brown-eyed handsome man*

by chuckofish

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Yesterday was DN’s birthday and, although I remembered and, indeed, thought about him all day long, I failed to mention him in  my blogpost. This week is rather fraught, ye unto brimming, with things to occupy my mind, so I’m sure he understood.

I am very grateful that DN is a part of our lives.

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You what-what?

Besides being a loving partner to daughter #2, he talks with me about books and makes wonderful cocktails and drives me to the airport in ice storms. He appreciates symbolism in religious rites. He is not averse to visiting battlefields and other historic sites and can poke around in an antique store without getting impatient. He ordered three dozen tiki glasses (un-prompted) for the 200th birthday party for Herman Melville we are planning for this summer!

“He’s a keepah!”

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The wee laddie has always agreed.

*Chuck Berry

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March 26, 2019

The kindness of strangers

by chuckofish

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Today is the birthday of Tennessee Williams (1911-1983) proud son of our flyover town and my flyover university. He didn’t actually graduate and I don’t think he was overly fond of it, but we like to claim him. He is buried here–against his wishes. He left most of his money to the University of the South, in Sewanee, Tennessee (an Episcopal school) in honor of his maternal grandfather, Walter Dakin, an alumnus of the university. When his sister Rose died in 1996 after many years in a mental institution, she bequeathed $7 million from her part of the Williams estate to The University of the South.

Tennessee wrote some famous plays–quite a few, in fact. Hollywood made some good movies out of those plays, although they all contain a lot of acting. One that is somewhat less fraught is  The Night of the Iguana (1964) with Richard Burton and Deborah Kerr and Ava Gardner. I have always  liked it.

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And I always liked the poem that Nonno, Hannah’s grandfather, spends the play writing:

How calmly does the orange branch
Observe the sky begin to blanch
Without a cry, without a prayer,
With no betrayal of despair.

Sometime while night obscures the tree
The zenith of its life will be
Gone past forever, and from thence
A second history will commence.

A chronicle no longer gold,
A bargaining with mist and mould,
And finally the broken stem
The plummeting to earth; and then

An intercourse not well designed
For beings of a golden kind
Whose native green must arch above
The earth’s obscene, corrupting love.

And still the ripe fruit and the branch
Observe the sky begin to blanch
Without a cry, without a prayer,
With no betrayal of despair.

O Courage, could you not as well
Select a second place to dwell,
Not only in that golden tree
But in the frightened heart of me?”

A toast to Tennessee Williams then, on his birthday!

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March 25, 2019

“Mary ate my donut.”*

by chuckofish

Another whirlwind weekend comes to an end, this one filled to the brim with the whirling dervishes known as  the wee babes.

The boy dropped them off at 9:00 am on Saturday and I entertained them until daughter #1 returned from having her oil changed (and getting donuts). We read this book which I had bought at the Art Mart, having remembered it fondly from my own childhood many moons ago.

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They loved it! That color wheel is the best. The wee babes knew all their colors and all the animals–oinka oinka–pictured inside. This book may be 60 years old, but it really holds up! (Back in print for the first time since it was published in 1959, “proudly reissued in celebration of the 75th anniversary of Little Golden Books!”)

Daughter #1 and I then bundled them into their double stroller and walked up to the little neighborhood park. They ran around like free range monkeys and climbed on the climbing structure and went down the slide many times. They also enjoyed picking up sticks and leaves and poking around. It doesn’t take much. We met some friendly dogs being walked and that was exciting too.

IMG_0525.JPGIMG_0526.JPGIMG_0523.JPGAfter we got home and ate lunch, the wee laddie could barely keep his eyes open–all that fresh air and running around you know–so we moved into the TV room, hoping some Veggie Tales would put them to sleep. This plan backfired as the new room, which is usually off-limits to them, renewed their strength and curiosity, and they were off to the races again. We had no luck getting them to nap, although the wee laddie finally crashed in the crib upstairs and slept like a log for a good long while. Miss Lottiebelle would not settle down, however, so we tried a variety of activities to no avail. She was pretty stressed out by a) the fact that her brother wasn’t around and b) she was upstairs in a mysterious new part of the house and c) her mommy was out of town. As a last resort, we got out a huge box of old Beanie Babies and went through them. By the time we roused her brother and things got back to normal, it was almost time for their daddy to pick them up, which he did around 3:30 pm.

After they left, daughter #1 and I indulged in a large glass of wine. (It was 5 o’clock somewhere.) The OM took us to dinner at Dewey’s (more wine) and when we came home and got in our jammies, we watched Tommy Boy (1995),

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Fat guy in a little coat…

which says a lot about the state of our minds, and went to bed at 9:00.

Sunday we got up and finished the last of the donuts and daughter #1 hit the road for mid-MO. I straightened up and did laundry etc. and moved all my plants to the Florida room. I cleaned it up and put out all the pillows. It is almost ready to have the girls over for an end-of-the-week drink! Believe me, I will need one.

I also tried to mentally prepare for the hell week that commences today. So many events this week.

But I can handle it. I am woman; hear me roar.

And this Instagram post (not actually posted) by the boy made me laugh:Screen Shot 2019-03-24 at 11.23.54 AM.png

Have a good week!

*Lottiebelle after her aunt ate the last bit of donut which had been sitting on a plate in the living room for 4 hours. Her tone was matter-of-fact but tinged with judgement.

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