dual personalities

Category: Uncategorized

Vanity of vanities. All is vanity

by chuckofish

Last week, you will recall, I posted about my misadventures dealing with complex computer programs. By Friday, I needed a break, and as it turned out, I got one. The DH and I had to go to Plattsburgh to trade in our old CRV for a new one. After a pleasant two-hour drive, we arrived at the dealer’s to find everything ready for us. It all went astonishingly smoothly, at least until our salesperson tried to explain how the new car works. Indulge me while I give you a little backstory. I am partial to “obsidian blue pearl”, the color of our previous CRVs, and I wanted the new one to be the same color. (I’m not really that weird. The other options are gray and maroon).

Alas, Honda is discontinuing my color, so the only way to get the right one was to get the Hybrid CRV-ex. We rationalized that in settling for a fancier model, we would make ourselves happy, while helping to save the planet. But imagine my chagrin when I discovered that instead of a nice, straightforward CRV, we got the car with — I kid you not — a four-hundred and fifty page owner’s manual! So much for the relaxing, low-tech break.

So far, I’ve learned that the car, which has no key and no gear shift, does have automatic heated seats that you can program to return to your position after someone else has driven the car, automatic lane adjustment and BREAK NOW lights that flash at you if you get too close to the car in front, an automatic sun roof, and dual air-conditioning controls so that the driver and passenger can be separately comfortable. The car remembers me and will unlock with just the touch of my hand. It’s a little creepy. Heaven knows what else it does, but I have no intention of finding out. Trying to find a radio station nearly made me crash.

Although the car drives like a dream, I can’t help feeling that all the bells and whistles are extravagant, unnecessary bling. What, I ask you, does this excess say about our culture? Then again, what does it say about me that I chose a fancier car just to get the right color?

As you ponder those questions, consider another example of unnecessary, yet extremely beautiful, bling: life-size porcelain wedding shoes from 17th century Iran.

Even if they’re impractical and would hurt your feet, at least you wouldn’t need to master an owner’s manual before wearing them.

“Katie is a big girl now.”

by chuckofish

Here I am, quoting from our daycare app’s “Teacher Notes” again. It’s only because they’re fascinating.

Sometimes I feel a little absurd following my sister’s posts, which include thoughtful literature and music references and display her myriad sewing skills, with these (albeit darling) baby posts. My deep and thoughtful updates include things like this: we clearly aren’t ready for pigtails yet, but we do manage to match our hair bows to our socks.

“Mommy needs practice.”
Commuter pose

Well, what can I say. I really do enjoy getting Katie dressed every day, checking the daycare app for a rundown of her activities, and then taking her home for our nightly play and bath time. My new “mommy” lifestyle may not be deep, but my mother has assured me that it isn’t shallow, either.

Without further ado…

“It isn’t my Subaru Forester, but I’ll take it.”
“Push me already!”
“On the one hand, pears are delicious…”

On Friday, we head to the pediatrician for a belated 12-month visit. Lots of shots, but also hopefully some interesting stats — perhaps a literal confirmation that “Katie is a big girl now!”

“The madly complicated modern world was something I took little interest in.”

by chuckofish

My mother is cleaning out her office as retirement approaches (next week!) and thus bringing home more books. Naturally, I am bringing some of these books into my apartment (which has no room for more books). I’ve even asked if I can get a bookshelf for my office at work! Anyway, one of the books is the Oxford Book of Quotations, which I perused this week while working on some remarks. I found this great Raymond Chandler line, which sadly, was not appropriate for what I was writing.

Interestingly, Bartlett’s Book of Quotations only had this:

Thanks…

Because of the new federal holiday (which Missouri decided to implement at the last minute) I had a long weekend. So, I made a blouse for myself. And it was good enough to wear to work today! I’m not sure if my co-workers thought the vibe was “Eileen Fischer chic” or more paper bag chic, but I liked it. I sewed in bias binding at the neck!

Me on Saturday, trying on my handiwork. I ironed it for work today.

Recently, I needed something to read, so I picked up Bob Dylan’s Chronicles, which is just great. I find myself wanting to write down every other line, which does not make for efficient reading. That’s the great thing about surrounding yourself with books, you can just pick something up and read it. You’ll have a dusty house for sure, but I’ll take a little dust.

“The events of the day, all the cultural mumbo jumbo were imprisoning my soul–nauseating me–civil rights and political leaders being gunned down, the mounting of the barricades, the government crackdowns, the student radicals and demonstrators versus the cops and the unions–the streets exploding, fire of anger boiling–the contra communes–the lying, noisy voices–the free love, the anti-money system movement–the whole shebang.

I was determined to put myself beyond the reach of it all.”

–Bob Dylan

*A little Bob will always cures what ails you.

“Now is the high tide of the year”*

by chuckofish

Today is the birthday of American fashion designer Bill Blass (June 22, 1922 – June 12, 2002) who was born and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Did you know that during WWII he was assigned the 603rd Camouflage Battalion, whose mission was to deceive the German Army into believing the Allies were positioned in fake locations, for example, by using dummy tanks? He served in this unit at several major operations including the Battle of the Bulge and the Rhine River crossing. For some reason, this knowledge made me happy.

Tomorrow is the birthday of dancer/choreographer Bob Fosse June 23, 1927 – September 23, 1987).

Since we just recently watched The Pajama Game (1957), it might be time to find Damn Yankees (1958) which Fosse also choreographed and danced in. (Side note: I saw Damn Yankees at the Muny Opera back in 1969. Ray Walston was in it, but I’m not sure about who played the other parts.) I haven’t seen the movie in a million years, if ever. Here is Bob in My Sister EIleen (1955).

Now I’m exhausted. Kids, don’t try this at home.

Well, the year is almost half over. I am almost retired. Life barrels on like that proverbial runaway train. But this is really great: “…and for heaven’s sake (not a joke) stop thinking about yourself all the time.” Indeed.

*James Russell Lowell, “June”

“Scorning the Pomp of must and shall my father moved through dooms of feel”*

by chuckofish

So Father’s Day was on Sunday. It did cause me to pause a moment and reflect on my own pater familias, who died almost 30 years ago. The only picture I have of him with his family is this one, taken no doubt to send to his own mother.

I have no photo of him with just me. Although we spent a lot of time together because we went back and forth to school every day, I don’t remember any conversations we had. As relationships go, it was pretty shallow. I have no idea if he was proud of me. He certainly never told me so. I just assumed he loved me. I mean, I didn’t feel unloved, like so many people nowadays seem to feel. I was proud of him. At least until I found out he was an alcoholic at age 11, and then I was embarrassed and probably ashamed. I was an anxious child, and that knowledge didn’t help.

I survived and I am grateful to him for several things. He went to work every day and earned a living and managed to put three children through college. After that, he kind of fell apart. He passed on some pretty good genes. He stayed married to our mother. He did the best he could, considering his own father semi-abandoned him and his mother to go cover the Spanish Civil War or something like that. What did he know? At least I had John Wayne and Ward Cleaver. What kind of role models to kids have today?

Well, maybe I learned something from the way I grew up. It may have been a negative lesson, but the results, I think, have been positive.

Saturday was Juneteenth, which I blogged about back in 2013. Everyone is talking about it now, but of course, we were ahead of everyone.

I watched The Professionals (1966) to celebrate. This has become a personal tradition. (I ❤️ Woody Strode.)

This is worth your time reading. He articulates what I am always trying to say. “Our secular world groans as well but doesn’t know where to find hope. Secular solutions only exacerbate the problem, leaving us wanting.”

The weather has been hot, hot, hot–St. Louis style hot. Whenever I go out to pull some weeds, trim some ivy or plant some annuals, I wilt like arugula and have to retreat inside. C’est la vie. Today is the longest day in the year, but things should be cooling off after the big storms we had over the weekend. I am grateful we did not lose our power like some unfortunate people.

So a belated Happy Fathers Day to all you good fathers out there and grace to you, and peace, from God our Father.

Let’s go, Daddy-o!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

*e.e. cummings

And here, in fact, we are.*

by chuckofish

My goodness but it has been a busy, tiring and frustrating week. I’ve been attending an NEH seminar in digital history, via Zoom, and though I have learned something about data software and making maps in QGIS, I’m lucky if I understand half of what gets said. The instructors go so fast that by the time I’ve figured out what button to click, they’ve moved five steps ahead and lost me. Clearly, I’m too old for this. Today (Thursday) was so hard that I finally gave up, left the office, and bought myself a $3 present at a local antique/gift shop. It’s a Cobalt Netting Lomonosov tea cup and saucer, though it was made in Soviet, not Czarist, Russia. Pretty, isn’t it?

Having returned home and sipped tea from my new cup, I felt calmer, and if not quite ready to face new computer challenges, at least less inclined to scream or burst into tears.

Enough digital drama; let’s move on. I promised an update on our recent trip to Saratoga Springs, NY to celebrate our son James’s birthday. Tim and Tim’s girlfriend also joined us. We had a grand time exploring Saratoga, eating out, going to the movies, and socializing without masks! We visited Tim’s office at Skidmore,

and the house where a dying Ulysses S. Grant wrote his memoirs. It’s sad to think that the only way the former President could provide for his family’s future was to sell his past (so to speak). I can’t imagine how he managed to write anything coherent while dying of cancer. Now that’s heroic.

Our timing was off, so we didn’t get to go inside the house, but we did walk around the grounds that overlook the valley. The view is tremendous. The flagpole in the background of the next photo marks the spot of the last visit Grant made to the overlook a few weeks before he died. One can imagine him in his wheelchair gazing sadly over the farmland below.

When we weren’t sight-seeing or relaxing in the Airbnb, we found time to visit Tim and Abbie’s apartment in Glens Falls, where James and I tried out Tim’s virtual reality headset.

VR was not as odd as I thought it would be, and did not make me feel queasy the way shaky-cam movies or computer games do. One really does feel immersed in a world. I have to admit it was pretty cool.

That said, I will always feel more comfortable holding a pretty teacup or standing on a hillside pondering U.S. Grant than using any kind of machine, no matter what it can do. Real objects acquire a wear-and-tear patina that no computer can reproduce. Think about the people who, through repeated use, produced the mellow finish on your wooden furniture, the comfortable wear on your favorite upholstered chair, or the tiny chips on your china. History is present everywhere if only we would bother to notice, whereas the digital world must remain forever artificial. Yet, here I am uploading this post to that artificial world. Go figure.

In case you wondered, the DH was in Saratoga with us; he just managed to avoid the camera.

*Italo Calvino, Invisible Cities

“Katie doesn’t like to eat red beans since last Friday.”

by chuckofish

Here we are, nearly two weeks into our new normal, with Katie in daycare and me working from my campus office. We are all adjusting one way or another. For Katie, this means fewer tears, and even some smiles and waves at drop-off and pick-up. For us, this means fully internalizing every detail we learn about Katie’s day from her teacher’s notes. Above, a quote that made us laugh a lot, but also maybe pierced DN’s heart a little bit (as the one who prepares Katie’s food and packs her lunch).

We have noticed that Katie is always seated at the head of the table with her classmates (which now number five). Who knows why this is the case, but it feels oddly appropriate. She is doing just great.

Happy commuter baby
Playing it cool in her stroller
And playing it REAL cool with her walker

Katie does benefit greatly from all of the space (flat, paved space) at daycare, where she can practice walking. We practice at home, too, but she makes it about 5 rapid steps with her walker before slamming into a wall. She’ll have to learn how to turn corners.

And my final announcement is that I can now manage to make a tiny ponytail with Katie’s hair. Sure, they never last a full day, but they bring me joy nonetheless. Just wait until we can do pigtails!

“I am absolutely affronted, affronted in public by your behavior.”

by chuckofish

My mother wrote about the pretty day lilies yesterday. And today, I continue the nature talk. This morning while walking to work, I happened to observe two little roly polies (sp?) crossing the sidewalk. I hadn’t seen one in ages (probably since it was fun to pick them up and get them to turn into a ball). The little bugs got me thinking and wondering what they contribute to the ecosystem.

So, I did a little internet research (ie totally legit) and guess what? They aren’t even bugs! They are crustaceans that live on land (the only ones). They breathe through gills (!) and must remain in a moist area, although they can’t be submerged in water. I’m not even joking. As for their contribution, they are decomposers, so very important.

According to Wikipedia, “They are capable of taking in heavy metals such as copper, zinc, lead and cadmium and crystallize these into spherical deposits in the midgut.[7] In this way, they temporarily remove many of the toxic metal ions from the soil, although the toxic metals are returned to the soil when they die. They also provide a food source for birds, toads, spiders, wasps, and centipedes.[6]“ Fascinating and weird stuff.

Now you know.

Speaking of bugs, as we may have mentioned, we’re planning a soiree to celebrate a certain someone’s retirement this summer and it occurred to me that zut alors! I hope the cicadas terrorizing the East Coast and occupying all pre-Zoom meeting smalltalk don’t descend on our outdoor plans! But good news, per the Missouri Department of Conservation, we don’t have to worry about them in Missouri for a few more years.

Anyway, in other animal news, we have all been laughing over this video of a mama bear and her naughty bear cubs stopping traffic somewhere. I could watch this all day. And the Scottish accent just cracks me up. STEVEN!

The world is more than we know.

Considering the lilies of the field

by chuckofish

Do you ever feel like Peppermint Patty? I do. But what ho, it is the bell and it tolleth for me. Happily it is Day Lily season and they do brighten up the scenery.

These are from my friend Don’s garden. Our Tiger Lilies are still buds, but elsewhere they are decorating the bi-ways of our town. I do love them! They thrive in our hot humid weather.

(John Twachtman, Tiger Lilies, late 1890s)

(Walter Grane, 1845-1915)

–Wendell Berry

“Let the world deride or pity/I will glory in thy name”*

by chuckofish

It was so nice to worship in a full church on Sunday where everyone lustily sang the hymns (mask-free) and listened to the 45 minute sermon. Hallelujah!

In other news, daughter #1 came home on Thursday in order to attend my flyover university retirement event along with the OM and the boy. Because of COVID, events such as this are now limited to 30 people, must be held outside and food cannot be served. Let the festivities begin. There was a giant TV screen set up in the courtyard so a 30-minute video could be shown celebrating moi. However the sun was shining and so the video was unviewable. Everyone huddled under the spindly trees in order to catch a breeze in the humid 95-degree swelter and there was no water served. They gave me a cut crystal vase engraved with “Twenty Years”…

and I couldn’t help thinking of this:

Afterwards we went home and ate lunch and that was nice. The boy and the OM went back to work and daughter #1 and I headed to Club Taco to sit outside and drink Margaritas. It was still very hot though so after awhile we went home and sat in the air conditioning. Ah, summer in St. Louis.

On Friday I had to work (and will continue to do so for the next two weeks.) The boy and his family came over for pizza on Friday night for a frolic before they headed to Florida early on Saturday morning. They made it after an 18-hour drive (held up in Atlanta traffic I guess).

Jealous!

Daughter #1 and I went to an open house at Mudd’s Grove (1859) where our local historical society is housed. We ran into several acquaintances and we had actual conversations with them. It was kind of weird, I must say. No masks!

We went out to lunch (!) and to an estate sale and had what we used to think was just a normal Saturday. Delightful.

While we were out, the OM went to the hardware store and bought a pressure washer. Remember when I joked about that last year? Well, we have one now and, after church on Sunday, we washed our front walk and porch. I have to say, it was pretty fun.

Now I have another busy week. I will pray that I bring glory to God, in word, thought and deed. I will thank God that his mercies are new to me each morning and that his grace is sufficient for all situations I may encounter.

*John Newton (1779)