“There’s booze in the blender/and soon it will render/that frozen concoction that helps me hang on.”

by chuckofish

Not to sound like too much of a lush here, but I do love a margarita. And ever since Club Taco closed, I’ve been searching for my lost shaker of salt. No wait, I’ve been searching for a good replacement. Well, the last time I visited my favorite liquor store (I’ll take phrases I never thought I’d use for $200, Alex), I gathered several margarita-flavored seltzers for an afternoon taste test.

Hard seltzers are all the rage for the young people.

It was 82 lovely degrees on the back patio this Saturday, so my mother and I decided to split all four seltzers and rank them according to our preference. I was inspired by my favorite YouTuber, Matt Mitchell, and his series Bless Your Rank. We were judging primarily on taste. But you know the vintage cocktail hour theme of the Bud Light Seltzer gave it an advantage. Real Henry Mancini vibes.

Let the taste test begin!

We started off with the Bud Light seltzer which was in the lead out of the gate. It has a strong margarita flavor without being too sugary and, of course, it had a hint of that Bud Light essence. “These would be great by the pool,” I commented. This reminded me that although I had not won the billion dollar lottery the night before, I had decided that I was going to spend part of the billion dollars on pools for everyone in my family. Alas.

At the end of round one, Bud Light Seltzer was in first place. Because it was the only place to be.

Next, we tried the Topo Chico Margarita Seltzer. This also had a good margarita flavor. Topo Chicos are like a hip Perrier and apparently known for being highly carbonated. I guess it was bubblier than the Bud Light. I enjoyed it.

But was it more refreshing than the Bud Light? Probably not. After round two, Bud Light was still in first place.

Next, we tried the two Ranch Waters. It turns out I didn’t read the labels closely enough and they were really just lime flavored seltzers so not quite in the same category as the prior contestants. We enjoyed them, but we liked the Spicy version more.

Here’s the final ranking.

There you have it, highly official research conducted in the name of blog content.