dual personalities

Tag: Walt Whitman

“All kinds of weather we stick together, the same in the rain or sun”*

by chuckofish

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Today is my dear dual personality’s birthday! I will think of her often, as I do every day, and miss her.

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I hope that all the men in her life (one husband and three sons) take care to lavish her with the love and attention she deserves.

Anyway, I am glad to hear that her grades are in and that she is officially on sabbatical! Huzzah!

Although she is nowhere near her 71st birthday, I still like this poem by Walt Whitman, My 71st Year:

After surmounting threescore and ten,
With all their chances, changes, losses, sorrows,
My parents’ deaths, the vagaries of my life, the many tearing passions of me, the war of ‘63 and ‘4,
As some old broken soldier, after a long, hot, wearying march, or as haply after battle,
At twilight, hobbling, answering yet to company roll-call, Here, with vital voice,
Reporting yet, saluting yet the Officer over all.

Happy Day! It’s a week ’til Christmas!

*Irving Berlin

 

Fly sideways FRIYAY

by chuckofish

Just as I unpacked my turtlenecks and black tights, they are predicting broken records for heat this weekend! Good grief! No matter what people say about global warming, it has always been thus in flyover country.

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Que sera sera.

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This weekend I plan to finish Stephen King’s Mr. Mercedes which I started last weekend. It is a straight up detective novel which someone left in the giveaway basket at work. I am enjoying it. Next on the docket is This House of Sky by Ivan Doig, which came highly recommended by someone whose opinion I value.

I have a work event on Sunday afternoon that I have to attend, and after that, the boy and daughter # 3 will come over. Can’t wait to see the wee babes, especially Lottie who decided to stand up this week!

Unknown-6.jpegShe has hitherto been reluctant to put her weight on her feet, but seems to have decided it is okay now. You go, Girl!

Unknown-7.jpegHer brother has been very encouraging.

BTW, on a historical/literary note, 138 years ago today Walt Whitman came to St. Louis to visit his brother, Thomas Jefferson Whitman, who was the city water commissioner. How about that? He liked the great river town, but wasn’t fond of the smog. In honor of his visit, and because it seems appropriate, here is a little bit of Crossing Brooklyn Ferry:

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These and all else were to me the same as they are to you,
I loved well those cities, loved well the stately and rapid river,
The men and women I saw were all near to me,
Others the same—others who look back on me because I look’d forward to them,
(The time will come, though I stop here to-day and to-night.)
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What is it then between us?
What is the count of the scores or hundreds of years between us?
Whatever it is, it avails not—distance avails not, and place avails not,
I too lived, Brooklyn of ample hills was mine,
I too walk’d the streets of Manhattan island, and bathed in the waters around it,
I too felt the curious abrupt questionings stir within me,
In the day among crowds of people sometimes they came upon me,
In my walks home late at night or as I lay in my bed they came upon me,
I too had been struck from the float forever held in solution,
I too had receiv’d identity by my body,
That I was I knew was of my body, and what I should be I knew I should be of my body.

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Flow on, river! flow with the flood-tide, and ebb with the ebb-tide!
Frolic on, crested and scallop-edg’d waves!
Gorgeous clouds of the sunset! drench with your splendor me, or the men and women generations after me!
Cross from shore to shore, countless crowds of passengers!
Stand up, tall masts of Mannahatta! stand up, beautiful hills of Brooklyn!
Throb, baffled and curious brain! throw out questions and answers!
Suspend here and everywhere, eternal float of solution!
Gaze, loving and thirsting eyes, in the house or street or public assembly!
Sound out, voices of young men! loudly and musically call me by my nighest name!
Live, old life! play the part that looks back on the actor or actress!
Play the old role, the role that is great or small according as one makes it!
Consider, you who peruse me, whether I may not in unknown ways be looking upon you;
Be firm, rail over the river, to support those who lean idly, yet haste with the hasting current;
Fly on, sea-birds! fly sideways, or wheel in large circles high in the air;
Receive the summer sky, you water, and faithfully hold it till all downcast eyes have time to take it from you!
Diverge, fine spokes of light, from the shape of my head, or any one’s head, in the sunlit water!
Come on, ships from the lower bay! pass up or down, white-sail’d schooners, sloops, lighters!
Flaunt away, flags of all nations! be duly lower’d at sunset!
Burn high your fires, foundry chimneys! cast black shadows at nightfall! cast red and yellow light over the tops of the houses!

Have a great weekend! Try to get out and look at a river and “people watch”. What is the count of the scores or hundreds of years between us? Not much, I think.

You’ll never walk alone

by chuckofish

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Well, we have a few weeks to go in Lent and I’m afraid I have (per usual) been distracted by many things. Mea culpa.

“If you could do it, I suppose, it would be a good idea to live your life in a straight line – starting, say, in the Dark Wood of Error, and proceeding by logical steps through Hell and Purgatory and into Heaven. Or you could take the King’s Highway past the appropriately named dangers, toils, and snares, and finally cross the River of Death and enter the Celestial City. But that is not the way I have done it, so far. I am a pilgrim, but my pilgrimage has been wandering and unmarked. Often what has looked like a straight line to me has been a circling or a doubling back. I have been in the Dark Wood of Error any number of times. I have known something of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven, but not always in that order. The names of many snares and dangers have been made known to me, but I have seen them only in looking back. Often I have not known where I was going until I was already there. I have had my share of desires and goals, but my life has come to me or I have gone to it mainly by way of mistakes and surprises. Often I have received better than I deserved. Often my fairest hopes have rested on bad mistakes. I am an ignorant pilgrim, crossing a dark valley. And yet for a long time, looking back, I have been unable to shake off the feeling that I have been led – make of that what you will.”
―Wendell Berry, Jaybar Crow

Indeed, sometimes I do feel like an ignorant pilgrim, crossing a dark valley. But then…

“I tramp the perpetual journey
My signs are a rain-proof coat, good shoes, and a staff cut from the
woods,
No friend of mine takes his ease in my chair,
I have no chair, no philosophy,
I lead no man to a dinner-table, library, exchange,
But each man and each woman of you I lead upon a knoll,
My left hand hooking you round the waist,
My right hand pointing to landscapes of continents and the public
road.

Not I, not any one else can travel that road for you,
You must travel it for yourself.

It is not far, it is within reach,
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born and did not know,
Perhaps it is everywhere on water and on land.

Shoulder your duds dear son, and I will mine, and let us hasten
forth,
Wonderful cities and free nations we shall fetch as we go.

If you tire, give me both burdens, and rest the chuff of your hand
on my hip,
And in due time you shall repay the same service to me,
For after we start we never lie by again.

This day before dawn I ascended a hill and look’d at the crowded
heaven,
And I said to my spirit When we become the enfolders of those orbs,
and the pleasure and knowledge of every thing in them, shall we
be fill’d and satisfied then?
And my spirit said No, we but level that lift to pass and continue
beyond.

You are also asking me questions and I hear you,
I answer that I cannot answer, you must find out for yourself.

Sit a while dear son,
Here are biscuits to eat and here is milk to drink,
But as soon as you sleep and renew yourself in sweet clothes, I kiss
you with a good-by kiss and open the gate for your egress
hence.

Long enough have you dream’d contemptible dreams,
Now I wash the gum from your eyes,
You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every
moment of your life.

Long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore,
Now I will you to be a bold swimmer,
To jump off in the midst of the sea, rise again, nod to me, shout,
and laughingly dash with your hair.”

…Walt Whitman reminds me about timidly holding a plank by the shore…

Discuss among yourselves.

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The powerful play goes on

by chuckofish

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Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
                                       Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

When in doubt, folks, go back to Walt Whitman for a punch of optimism.

D’ailleurs, it is Friday and I am ready for the weekend. I have stuff to do per usual and the “Elegant Italian Dinner” to attend at church. This fundraiser for the youth mission trip is always a fun event, even if the menu never varies from the lasagna and bag salad of yesteryear. That is part of its charm I guess.

Weather-wise it is going to be a typical cold, gray flyover January weekend,

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but we’ll go see our two little rays of sunshine in the NICU unit.

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They look so much bigger with their preemie clothes, don’t they?

I should also note that Sunday–January 29–is the birthday of our great-great uncle John Wesley Prowers (1838–1884), the Colorado cattleman.

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In honor of JWP, I think I will watch Lonesome Dove this weekend.  JWP was a friend and business partner of Charles Goodnight, upon whom the character Captain Call (Tommy Lee Jones) is based.  I meant to watch it a week or so ago in honor of Robert Duvall, but I could not find it, because, as it turned out, I had lent it to the boy! Life is complicated!

Other possibilities on the cattle drive theme would be Red River (1948) or The Cowboys (1972) or episodes from the old TV show Rawhide (1959–1965) starring a dreamy young Clint Eastwood.

So many choices. And, hello, here’s something I found while perusing the internet:

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The world is more than we know. Have a great weekend.

The painting is by Fairfield Porter, Broadway South of Union Square, oil on canvas 1974-1975

Thanks—joyful thanks!

by chuckofish

Here we are halfway through November and Thanksgiving is a week from today! Let’s get serious about having thankful thoughts! Here’s some Walt Whitman to help with that.

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Thanks in old age—thanks ere I go,

For health, the midday sun, the impalpable air—for life, mere
life,

For precious ever-lingering memories, (of you my mother dear
—you, father—you, brothers, sisters, friends,)

For all my days—not those of peace alone—the days of war the
same,

For gentle words, caresses, gifts from foreign lands,

For shelter, wine and meat—for sweet appreciation,

(You distant, dim unknown—or young or old—countless, un-
specified, readers belov’d,

We never met, and ne’er shall meet—and yet our souls embrace,
long, close and long;)

For beings, groups, love, deeds, words, books—for colors, forms,

For all the brave strong men—devoted, hardy men—who’ve for-
ward sprung in freedom’s help, all years, all lands,

For braver, stronger, more devoted men—(a special laurel ere I
go, to life’s war’s chosen ones,

The cannoneers of song and thought—the great artillerists—the
foremost leaders, captains of the soul:)

As soldier from an ended war return’d—As traveler out of
myriads, to the long procession retrospective,

Thanks—joyful thanks!—a soldier’s, traveler’s thanks.

–Walt Whitman, 1888-89

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The paintings are by John McCartin, Patrick William Adam, Bruce Yardley, and Mark O’Neill. Pretty pictures always help, right?

Alive and well somewhere

by chuckofish

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“What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?

They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the
end to arrest it,
And ceas’d the moment life appear’d.

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.”

― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself 

I went to a memorial service yesterday at the Unitarian Church on “Holy Corners” in the Central West End.

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You can see the Christian Scientist and Methodist churches in the background, built in better days around the turn of the 20th century.

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The Unitarian Church was built on a more humble scale and added to accordingly. It turns out it was the church of William Greenleaf  Eliot, the founder of my flyover university and also of the girls’ school I attended. Not that he would recognize this congregation.

Anyway, I had never been to a Unitarian memorial service before. The music was pretty bad and there was only one scripture reading–a terrible translation of Psalm 39–and one prayer. (We never even said the Lord’s Prayer.) The minister gave a long homily about the mystery of life and how everything dies, and a  long eulogy about the deceased, and the husband of the deceased gave a long eulogy. Like her parents, she was a lifelong member of the church and a serious Unitarian and social justice warrior. She and her husband were also big supporters of their partner church in Transylvania–yes, there are Unitarians in Transylvania! They are the second largest group of Unitarians in the world!  It is amazing what one doesn’t know about people.

Well, it all got me thinking about old Walt Whitman’s lines about death in Song of Myself, which seem very Unitarian in spirit to me but are more meaningful than anything I heard in the service. I like to think that my friend is alive and well somewhere, although I guess that’s not what she expected.

*The painting is “Moonlight” by Fausto Zonaro (1854 – 1929)

“Chair’d in the adamant of Time”*

by chuckofish

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I feel so sorry for anyone who misses the experience of history, the horizons of history. We think little of those who, given the chance to travel, go nowhere. We deprecate provincialism. But it is possible to be as provincial in time as it is in space. Because you were born into this particular era doesn’t mean it has to be the limit of your experience. Move about in time, go places. Why restrict your circle of acquaintances to only those who occupy the same stage we call the present?”

–David McCullough, “Recommended Itinerary” in Brave Companions

I concur.

As we approach Independence Day on July 4, why not read some history?

*Walt Whitman, “America”; the painting is by Childe Hassam.

Dog days

by chuckofish

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The Old Farmer’s Almanac lists the traditional period of the Dog Days as the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending August 11, coinciding with the ancient heliacal (at sunrise) rising of the Dog Star, Sirius.

Well, we are certainly in the middle of them now! And they will not be over come August 11. But as I have said before, I have come to appreciate the summer–even the dog days–and enjoy the slower pace. Nobody’s in a hurry around here in August.

Summer is a good time to read old favorites:

“Maycomb was a tired old town, even in 1932 when I first knew it. Somehow, it was hotter then. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon and after their three o’clock naps. And by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frosting from sweating and sweet talcum. The day was twenty-four hours long, but it seemed longer.” (Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird)

It is a good time to read poetry:

Now I will do nothing but listen,
To accrue what I hear into this song, to let sounds contribute toward it.
I hear bravuras of birds, bustle of growing wheat, gossip of flames, clack of sticks cooking my meals,
I hear the sound I love, the sound of the human voice,
I hear all sounds running together, combined, fused or following,
Sounds of the city and sounds out of the city, sounds of the day and night,
Talkative young ones to those that like them, the loud laugh of work-people at their meals,
The angry base of disjointed friendship, the faint tones of the sick,
The judge with hands tight to the desk, his pallid lips pronouncing a death-sentence,
The heave’e’yo of stevedores unlading ships by the wharves, the refrain of the anchor-lifters,
The ring of alarm-bells, the cry of fire, the whirr of swift-streak-
ing engines and hose-carts with premonitory tinkles and color’d lights,
The steam-whistle, the solid roll of the train of approaching cars,
The slow march play’d at the head of the association marching two and two,
(They go to guard some corpse, the flag-tops are draped with black muslin.)
I hear the violoncello, (’tis the young man’s heart’s complaint,)
I hear the key’d cornet, it glides quickly in through my ears,
It shakes mad-sweet pangs through my belly and breast.
I hear the chorus, it is a grand opera,
Ah this indeed is music—this suits me. (Walt Whitman, Song of Myself, 26)

And it is a good time to read history:

On the receipt of Mr. Dana’s dispatch Mr. Stanton sent for me. Finding that I was out he became nervous and excited, inquiring of every person he met, including guests of the house, whether they knew where I was, and bidding them find me and send me to him at once. About eleven o’clock I returned to the hotel, and on my way, when near the house, every person met was a messenger from the Secretary, apparently partaking of his impatience to see me. I hastened to the room of the Secretary and found him pacing the floor rapidly in his dressing-gown. Saying that the retreat must be prevented, he showed me the dispatch. I immediately wrote an order assuming command of the Military Division of the Mississippi, and telegraphed it to General Rosecrans. I then telegraphed to him the order from Washington assigning Thomas to the command of the Army of the Cumberland; and to Thomas that he must hold Chattanooga at all hazards, informing him at the same time that I would be at the front as soon as possible. A prompt reply was received from Thomas, saying, “We will hold the town till we starve.” I appreciated the force of this dispatch later when I witnessed the condition of affairs which prompted it. It looked, indeed, as if but two courses were open: one to starve, the other to surrender or be captured.

On the morning of the 20th of October I started, with my staff, and proceeded as far as Nashville. At that time it was not prudent to travel beyond that point by night, so I remained in Nashville until the next morning. Here I met for the first time Andrew Johnson, Military Governor of Tennessee. He delivered a speech of welcome. His composure showed that it was by no means his maiden effort. It was long, and I was in torture while he was delivering it, fearing something would be expected from me in response. I was relieved, however, the people assembled having apparently heard enough. At all events they commenced a general hand-shaking, which, although trying where there is so much of it, was a great relief to me in this emergency. (U.S. Grant, Personal Memoirs, Ch 40)

So try to enjoy these dog days of summer. And remember: This is the day which the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!

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*The paintings are by Winslow Homer, of course.

“All goes onward and outward—nothing collapses”*

by chuckofish

We experienced some highs and lows this past weekend.

Mamu died last Friday. She was the boy’s grandmother-in-law.

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I knew her a long time, since the boy was three years old in pre-school with her grand-daughter. I remember her clearly back then, because she frequently picked Lauren up from pre-school. She stood out among the other mothers in the carpool line. She drove a Jaguar then and was always dressed to the nines–usually in a cocktail suit and high heels, elegantly bejeweled, her blonde hair perfectly coiffed.

But she was no Joan Collins. She was friendly and thrilled to be the designated driver of her adorable three-year-old grand-daughter.

She and her husband were the most glamorous couple at our church. And probably the most devout. Indeed, there was a lot more to Mamu than her glittering facade let on. She was from Indiana, after all, and her people were solid folk.

I wish she had known my mother. Although very different in some ways, they shared a deep and abiding faith and I know they would have liked each other.

Anyway, I have no doubt that she is with Dick now, standing before the Throne.

Into paradise may the angels lead thee; and at thy coming may the martyrs receive thee, and bring thee into the holy city Jerusalem.

2012 The boy on his wedding day with Mamu who loved him.

2012 The boy on his wedding day with Mamu who loved him.

On the other side of things, the boy’s best man was in town and we had a mini celebration at church in honor of his going off to seminary next month.

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The boy, the future minister and Weezer–still in the choir.

It was a very special occasion–his friends and family, everyone in his church family who have known him forever, surrounded him before the altar and there were prayers and some laying on of hands, etc.

Afterwards there was cake!

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Godspeed, indeed, to Michael as he begins his studies at Yale. And Godspeed to dear Mamu on the next phase of her journey.

The circle of life.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

for the living of these days, for the living of these days.

–Harry Emerson Fosdick

*Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass #14

O Pioneers!

by chuckofish

The Sign of the Arrow called Tuesday to say that daughter #1’s ornament–which she had dropped off in April when she was home–was ready to pick up and so I stopped by after work.

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Isn’t it great? The Pioneer is the mascot of our local high school. He is a manly pioneer with a coonskin cap. For me he always evokes Walt Whitman and his:

COME, my tan-faced children,

Follow well in order, get your weapons ready;

Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes? Pioneers! O Pioneers!

Anyway, I had to share.