family | dual personalities

“I lay in bed for a few minutes, wanting to get up but unable to exert the necessary energy. From the girls’ room, small voices rose in song, and I listened happily, thinking how pleasant it was to hear a brother and two sisters playing affectionately together; then, suddenly, the words of the song penetrated into my hot mind, and I was out of bed in one leap and racing down the hall. “Baby ate a spider, Baby ate a spider,” was what they were singing.”
–Shirley Jackson, Life Among the Savages

As parents we have all had those moments Shirley Jackson is talking about. This photo makes me think of the realization our mother might have come to at just the moment when she hears the boy saying, "Go ahead, Katie, pet the doggie! Go ahead!" And our mother launches out of the chair to save her baby.

This picture really needs a follow-up photo. The one where little Katie (barely a year old and unsteady on her feet) has been pushed into the Great Pyrenees by her laughing older brother. Unfortunately that photo does not exist. Only this one:

Something has happened! The big dog is up; Katie is restrained (or being helped to her feet). She looks a bit discombobulated–maybe she did fall into the dog! But the boy is still smiling (i.e. he has not been balled out). It’s a mystery!

[I think this picture was taken at the Coughlin’s house. They were our grandparents very good friends.]

5 Comments

February 20, 2012

Real presidents

by chuckofish

Lightly tinted image by Charles H. Crosby of the profiles of Ulysses S. Grant, Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington in a medallion.

It’s President’s Day. In Missouri, while Washington’s Birthday is a federal holiday, Abraham Lincoln’s birthday is still a state holiday, falling on February 12 regardless of the day of the week. Today the holiday is observed, honoring both presidents, Washington and Lincoln.

Nevertheless, I am at work, while my husband is home. So some work places observe it, others don’t. Hmmm.

Anyway, all hail to Washington and Lincoln–two great presidents. However, I am thinking of another president, Ulysses Grant.

Or “Cousin Ulyss” as we call him in our family. He was our great-great grandfather John Simpson Hough’s cousin through Grant’s mother, Hannah Simpson, a Quaker, originally from Pennsylvania. According to family tradition, Grant, while a cadet at West Point, spent school vacations with the Houghs. Also according to family legend, John Hough was offered the office of U.S. Postmaster General when Grant was president. Supposedly he turned down the job, saying (rudely), “I’ll not work for that Republican!”

John Simpson Hough

Funnily enough, Grant refers to the familial political rift with his typical rye wink in his memoirs.

“…She [his mother’s sister] thought the country ruined beyond recovery when the Democratic party lost control in 1860…Her brother…was a supporter of the government during the war, and remains a firm believer, that national success by the Democratic party means irretrievable ruin.” (p. 8 Personal Memoirs)

(It has taken us generations to admit that our ancestor came down on that side of the division. Nobody’s perfect.)

Anyway, I am a great admirer of U.S. Grant, as a general, defender of the union, president, family man, and writer. If you have not read his aforementioned Personal Memoirs, you really should. According to British military historian John Keegan, they are “perhaps the most revelatory autobiography of high command to exist in any language.” And they are so well-written! What incredible powers of recall he had and what determination it took to write them. Faced with terminal throat cancer and the loss of his fortune, he set out to write them, backed by Mark Twain who knew they would be a best-seller, in order to leave his family enough money to live on. He wrote them by hand. He could not dictate them, because he frequently could not talk. He was a hero up to and including the day he lay down his pencil and died.

Grant has been portrayed in many, many movies and television shows, by the likes of Harry Morgan, Jason Robards, Anthony Zerbe, James Gregory, Rip Torn, Rod Steiger (!), Aidan Quinn, and even Kevin Kline. But there never has been a movie about him. He has been the victim of every negative kind of stereotyping, most commonly that of alcoholic. In truth he drank when he was separated from his wife Julia and only then. During the war, John Rawlins, his chief of staff, guarded him zealously and kept him from drinking. Once the war was over and he was reunited with his wife, he did not drink.

He was also, contrary to popular opinion, a good student, graduating in the middle of his class at West Point. And he was also one of the finest horseman ever to graduate. He had been handling horses all his life and really loved them. When he was “seven or eight years of age” he began hauling all the wood used in the house and shop from land where trees were cut down. He could not “load it on the wagons,” but he could drive them. Can you imagine? Can you imagine this boy driving a wagon load of timber?

WRC 1994

Well, Maybe. Again, read his Memoirs. You’ll be glad you did.

9 Comments

February 8, 2012

Class of ’48

by chuckofish

I think that one of the main reasons my mother chose to attend Middlebury College in Vermont was because it had its own mountain and ski area, the Middlebury Snow Bowl:

Middelbury has quite a skiing tradition. “Since the first trails were cut in 1934, the Middlebury College Snow Bowl has witnessed one of the richest skiing traditions in the country. From early snowshoe and obstacle races, Middlebury’s winter sports teams evolved into bona fide skiing powers, until the outbreak of World War II brought the program to a virtual halt.”

But after the war ended several skiers from the famed 10th Mountain Division “descended on the Bowl, along with a young fighter pilot from the Pacific theater…who coached the women’s team in 1946 and, thanks to the strength of the 10th Mountain Division recruits, led the Middlebury men in 1948 to their first of two consecutive national championship titles. In the same year Becky Fraser ’46, captain of the 1944 and 1945 women’s teams, became the first Middlebury skier to compete for the U.S. Olympic Team in the Winter Games at St. Moritz, Switzerland.”

What I did not realize is that my mother was a member of the Middlebury ski team for 4 years and skied with Ms. Fraser. She may not have been Olympic material, but she was there too. I knew she was on the Ski Patrol, but she’s there in the 1948 yearbook: “SKIING With veteran skiers Polly Hodder, Peg Curtis and Nat Benson ably assisted by the skills of Rose Hull, Pete Salmon, Mary Cameron, Lee Robbins, Jean Smith and Bobbie Merriman, the women’s ski team showed promise of a good season this winter. The team traveled with Coach “Joe” Jones to numerous intercollegiate competitions.”

I knew that she was very active in the Mountain Club, but had forgotten that she was on the governing board, Skyline. She was also the Vice President of her junior class. Here she is in the front row (left).

She really did love Middlebury and her 4 years there. Despite a disastrous sorority rush freshman year, she gave college her all. Here is a page from her junior yearbook which she illustrated:

She designed the Middlebury Winter Carnival posters for several years and also did the posters for all the big theater productions–back in the day before colored markers (and computers), when everything was painted by hand. And she managed to earn good enough grades to get into graduate school at McGill University.

For many years as a child I wanted to follow in my mother’s footsteps and go to Middlebury. I even had a dream once (in the 5th grade!) that I gave Steve McQueen a tour of the college. It was a big presence in the back of my brain. In the 6th grade, for some reason, I got it into my head that I wanted to go to Smith and I held on tight to that idea. I’m not sure why.

19 Comments

February 6, 2012

It’s embarrassing picture Monday!

by chuckofish

How politically incorrect is this photo? What would Betty Friedan (who spoke at one dual personality’s graduation) think? Well, this dual personality never ironed her husband’s shirts, but then, neither did her mother. But circa 1961, she enjoyed ironing handkerchiefs and doll paraphernalia.

7 Comments

January 31, 2012

Words of wisdom from Ben Folds

by chuckofish

I have been listening to old mixes that I unearthed while putting away CDs and DVDs one day. They are wonderful and always set one to remembering what was going on when such and such a song was popular. You know. Anyway, I was playing a mix that daughter #1 made when she was preparing to drive to Indianapolis for a January internship her senior year at DePauw back in 2007. Remember Shania Twain? Rascal Flats? And then ol’ Ben Folds came on and his song Cooler Than You, which was always a favorite of mine. You remember the chorus:

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
‘Cause there’s always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you’re the s**t
But you won’t be it for long
Because there’s always someone cooler than you

I do appreciate my children introducing me to all kinds of new music. I shudder to think that I could be one of those people who is still listening exclusively to Beatles tunes or Motown medleys.

It is fun to go to estate sales and see the LP collections that people who must be the same generation as my parents leave behind and that clearly their children do not want. They all have the same records that my parents had!

Harry Belafonte!

Tijuana Brass!

Show Tunes!

The Kingston Trio!

I’m sure they thought they were pretty cool back in the day, forward-thinking and not shackled to ol’ Blue Eyes and those other crooners. Then their children started bringing home Bob Dylan and the Kinks and Joni Mitchell…Sometimes it’s hard to keep an open mind, but my parents tried, and I try, and I’m sure my kids will too when the time comes. But you know, there’s always someone cooler than you.

P.S. I still have all my parents’ old records. Will my children want them? Will they even have a record player?

7 Comments

January 30, 2012

It’s embarrassing picture Monday!

by chuckofish

How better to start the week than with a little chuckle at the expense of one’s dual personality! What a cutie-pie.

5 Comments

January 26, 2012

Visiting Gertrude Stein

by chuckofish

I was talking to daughter #1 yesterday about Gertrude Stein. She had gone to the exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery and was thinking about visiting the Met in New York where they have an exhibit on Stein as well.

Picasso's portrait of Gertrude Stein

It got me thinking about the expatriot writer and her salon in Paris. People started coming to her house at the turn of the 20th century, visiting in order to check out her Matisse paintings and the Cézannes: “Matisse brought people, everybody brought somebody,” she wrote, “and they came at any time and it began to be a nuisance, and it was in this way that Saturday evenings began.”

During the 1920s many great writers, including Ernest Hemingway, Ezra Pound, Thornton Wilder, and Sherwood Anderson were welcomed into her home. Among those American writers was my grandfather, who, according to my father, went to visit one Saturday with his wife and baby son. In fact, the infant Newell actually sat on Gertrude’s lap! Apparently she thought he was a very cute baby…and why wouldn’t she:

He was pretty adorable, wasn’t he?

A bit of trivia: Gertrude Stein was the godmother of Ernest Hemingway’s son Jack.

He was pretty cute too.

6 Comments

January 19, 2012

Happy birthday, Mary and Dolly (and Buffy)

by chuckofish

January 19 is my mother’s birthday. It is also Dolly Parton’s. As I’ve mentioned before, it is also Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s birthday. Talk about synchronicity! My mother would be 86; she died in 1988. Dolly is 66. Buffy, being a fictional character, never ages.

On the Episcopal Church calendar of saints it is the feast day of St. Wulfstan (c. 1008 – 20 January 1095), Bishop of Worcester. He was the last surviving pre-Conquest bishop and the only English-born bishop after 1075. Oh boy.

But today we recognize those latter day saints, Mary and Dolly.

My mother's the squirmy one on the right

My mother was born and raised in Worcester, MA. She was a happy child who knocked her teeth back in her head while sledding, so enthusiastic was the abandonment with which she threw herself down the hill. She wore braces (at age 3) to correct her teeth. She was the opposite of me as a child. I was timid where she was gregarious and daring. Her stories of her childhood frequently scared me. Especially the one about the great New England hurricane of 1938–when they ran out in the street to see the destruction! And then, of course, she skied the Headwall on Mt. Washington at Tuckerman’s Ravine while a college girl at Middlebury. She was fearless.

But life can change you. Things happen. You get married and have three kids.You move away from home and your family. You live among strangers. Despite her challenges, my mother was a great mother. She taught me that you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them. She taught me to keep it simple. She taught me that antiques should be lived with, not kept behind a silk rope. She taught me that Shane and Ninotchka and Breakfast at Tiffany’s and The Quiet Man and The Adventures of Robin Hood are great movies and that Errol Flynn was the epitome of handsomeness. She defended Elvis. She tried to teach me and my sister the importance of ladylike behavior at all times. She hated vulgarity. She taught me that you have to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. She taught me the importance of being spontaneous and that parties should always have favors. She taught me that you could never have enough bookshelves and that there is always money for books.

And then there’s Dolly. Dolly Rebecca Parton as you well know, is an American singer-songwriter, author, multi-instrumentalist, actress and philanthropist, who is best known for her work in country music. Dolly was born in Sevierville, Tennessee, the fourth of twelve children born to Robert Lee Parton and Avie Lee Parton. She is clearly a multi-talented person, but her song-writing is where she really shines. Indeed, she has written over 3,000 songs and has earned over 35 BMI Pop and Country Awards throughout her prolific songwriting career. In 2001 she was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. She was honored as a BMI Icon at the 2003 BMI Country Awards. Yes, she is an icon.

A lot of people don’t know that since she hit it big, Dolly Parton has supported many charitable efforts, particularly in the area of literacy, primarily through her Dollywood Foundation. Her literacy program, “Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library”, a part of the Dollywood Foundation, mails one book per month to each enrolled child from the time of their birth until they enter kindergarten. It began in Sevier County but has now been replicated in 566 counties across 36 U.S. states (as well as in Canada). In December 2007 it expanded to Europe with the South Yorkshire town of Rotherham, United Kingdom, being the first British locality to receive the books. The program distributes more than 2.5 million free books to children annually. Is this awesome or what?

And her Dollywood theme park has brought jobs and tax revenues to a previously depressed region. She has probably done more to help people live respectable lives in Tennessee than anyone else. Dolly never just played lip service to where she came from. She has spread her wealth around from the very beginning. I have always thought she should run for Governor. She would be a great one. She is clearly a great role-model for all young women. That is why I encouraged daughter #2 to choose Dolly as her 6th grade Reach project. Here she is in costume holding her shoe box Grand Ole Opry for her (1st place) presentation:

Unfortunately her platform sandals are not visible.

She has written so many great songs, but Coat of Many Colors is my favorite. (Dolly has also described it as her favorite of all the songs she’s ever written.) In my humble opinion it is one of the best songs ever written by an American, right up there with those greats written by Stephen Foster, Rogers & Hammerstein, Irving Berlin, Johnny Mercer, Bob Dylan and all the rest. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Hearing it sung by Dolly is a real emotional experience!

Back through the years
I go wonderin’ once again
Back to the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags that someone gave us
And how my momma put the rags to use
There were rags of many colors
Every piece was small
And I didn’t have a coat
And it was way down in the fall
Momma sewed the rags together
Sewin’ every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors
That I was so proud of
As she sewed, she told a story
From the bible, she had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then she said
Perhaps this coat will bring you
Good luck and happiness
And I just couldn’t wait to wear it
And momma blessed it with a kiss

Chorus:

My coat of many colors
That my momma made for me
Made only from rags
But I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

So with patches on my britches
Holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors
I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughing
And making fun of me
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

And oh I couldn’t understand it
For I felt I was rich
And I told them of the love
My momma sewed in every stitch
And I told ‘em all the story
Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors
Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn’t understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me
Made just for me

So happy birthday, Mary and Dolly…and Buffy! You’re the best!

18 Comments

January 5, 2012

Small but mighty

by chuckofish

Daughter #1 has moved to New York City…and not under the best of circumstances. Her purse was stolen the night before she was scheduled to take a train from Washington D.C. to NYC on New Year’s Day(!), and with it her credit cards, driver’s license, money, and her phone. But per usual she soldiered on and got to NYC and into her apartment and managed to start her new job the next day. Phew. I couldn’t be prouder of her. But, then, that’s always been the case. She never allowed circumstances to get the better of her–

Though she be but little, she is fierce! (Thank you, Will Shakespeare.)

2 Comments

November 28, 2011

Leftovers, anyone?

by chuckofish

Well, the long holiday weekend is over, the kids have packed up and gone back to school. Sigh. We now return to our usual, familiar empty-nester routine.

We did get a few things accomplished this weekend. The boy put up the outside Christmas lights!