dual personalities

Tag: Episcopal Church

October 6, 2015

A floating sense of doom

by chuckofish

107-Christ the Comforter

“God knows we have our own demons to be cast out, our own uncleanness to be cleansed. Neurotic anxiety happens to be my own particular demon, a floating sense of doom that has ruined many of what could have been, should have been, the happiest days of my life, and more than a few times in my life I have been raised from such ruins, which is another way of saying that more than a few times in my life I have been raised from death – death of the spirit anyway, death of the heart – by the healing power that Jesus calls us both to heal with and to be healed by.”

― Frederick Buechner, Secrets in the Dark: A Life in Sermons

I can surely relate to what Frederick Buechner is saying here, although I wouldn’t classify it as neurotic anxiety exactly. I just have always had a morbid imagination, always thinking about what might happen, especially concerning loved ones.

At the evensong service on Sunday the choir sang an anthem based on a poem by Robert Herrick (1591–1674):

In the hour of my distress,

When temptations me oppress,

And when I my sins confess,

Sweet Spirit, comfort me!

 

When I lie within my bed,

Sick in heart and sick in head,

And with doubts discomforted,

Sweet Spirit, comfort me!

 

When the house doth sigh and weep,

And the world is drown’d in sleep,

Yet mine eyes the watch do keep,

Sweet Spirit, comfort me!

I was reminded that people back in the seventeenth century lay in bed at night and obsessed over problems too. I must say that I do find comfort in that.

And as I always say to the boy after one of our overwrought discussions of current events, God is in control. It is good to remember that.

The evensong service ends with the wonderful prayer for mission:

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give thine angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for thy love’s sake. Amen.

You can’t go wrong with this prayer at bedtime. Keep it on your bedside table. Envision those angels watching over you and your loved ones. It helps to dissipate that floating sense of doom.

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October 5, 2015

O friends, in gladness let us sing, supernal anthems echoing*

by chuckofish

[FYI supernal means a) being or coming from on high b) heavenly, ethereal.]

I went to church twice on Sunday so I am feeling the supernal vibe. I read at Evensong, but I had to go to a meeting after the 10 a.m. service, so that is why I also attended that service. I am “mentoring” one of our confirmands, so I was getting the lowdown on expectations for the coming year. My assignment is a girl I have known since she was a tiny tot and not someone who is too cool for me. No piercings or dyed black hair either. All should will be well.

The boy came over after church and knocked down an old fence for us.

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The OM and I would have wrestled with this for who knows how long, so once again, how grateful we are to have his manly help.

It took him all of 10 minutes, so we went out to lunch at Steak ‘N Shake.

On Friday night the OM and I went to a work-sponsored party at the zoo. I got to see the new polar bear in his swanky new environment.

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He growled at me through the glass. He was up-close and personal, right? I wanted to see him swimming, but he did not oblige.

We also saw some penguins

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and we rode on the empty train.

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We ate a hotdog and went home. It was an evening well spent.

I am reading the new mystery by Robert Galbraith (a.k.a. J.K. Rowling)–The Silkworm, which I am enjoying very much.  I am not a big mystery fan, but the characters in her series are real (not cardboard) and I like her P.D., Cormoran Strike.

I watched Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), which I did not particularly like, and Send Me No Flowers (1964) with Rock Hudson (“Is it a sharp pain, is it a dull pain, or does it grip like a vice?”), which I liked very much.

Also, this is pretty darn great:

How was your weekend?

*Lasst uns erfreuen, #618

7 Comments
September 28, 2015

Exercise daily: walk with Jesus*

by chuckofish

I finally made it back to church this weekend and was a lay reader. I read a good long piece from Numbers about Moses having a “Kill me now, Lord” moment when his whiney brethren were remembering the good times back in Egypt. “We remember the fish we used to eat in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic…but now there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” People never change, do they? It is good to go to church and be reminded of this. We also received a  finger-shaking piece of the assisting priest’s mind during the announcements. She scolded us for not singing loudly enough. This annoyed me somewhat, but I also know from whence she comes. Some people just never sing; they never even open their hymnals and pretend. C’mon now. Sing out.

The OM and I planted twelve iris bulbs that someone had given me in the hopes that they will be blooming when my birthday swings around in April. Wasn’t that thoughtful? The least we could do was plant them! We indulged ourselves afterwards with a trip to Shake ‘N Shake.

I watched Seven Seas to Calais (see Friday’s post)–having paid $1.99 on Amazon to do so. It was not as terrible as I feared, but it was pretty bad. I tried to watch some of those old James Dean television shows (see Thursday’s post) and they were basically unwatchable. Mostly I continued with The Wire season one, which I started watching when daughter #2 was home last weekend, despite the boy’s admonition not to. I am really enjoying it.

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I think Bal’more and my flyover hometown are very similar, so it is kind of fascinating to me. It is very well done, and once you get over the fact that every other word is the f-word or the mf-word, it’s okay. (It is important to cleanse the palate so to speak by listening to something like the above youtube video after each episode.)

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The Cardinals continue to get closer to winning the division, but yesterday’s game was a debacle! Don’t get cocky, redbirds! Onward and upward. Have a good week!

*Seen on a church sign this weekend.

6 Comments
September 15, 2015

Postcards from New York: I whistle a happy tune edition

by chuckofish

I had a lovely, fun-filled time visiting with daughter #1 in her tiny UWS third-floor studio apartment. Basically we were only there to sleep and grab an occasional Diet Coke. Oh, yes, we did shower and change, but in typical fashion I had done a miserable job packing, so my clothing options were limited. Daughter #1 always looked impeccable.

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We were on the go from the time I dropped my bags there (after getting up at 3:30 a.m. to catch the 5:55 to LaGuardia) until I hopped in an Uber to head back to the airport.

It was rainy when I arrived, so we headed over to the Met to see the John Singer Sargent exhibit.

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It was a terrific show with lots of great portraits. I liked the Edwin Booth portrait, but, of course, they didn’t have a postcard. They always pick the weirdest things for postcards, have you noticed? C’est la vie.

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We also checked some of our favorites in the American Wing.

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We went to Lincoln Center to see The King and I which was fabulous,

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although the King was not Yul Brynner. His ghost is always there, arms akimbo.

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We walked ALL OVER Central Park, but I did not have my phone with me (!) so I didn’t take any pictures of my favorite schist. We  took the uptown bus to see the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, which I have always wanted to do.

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It was a divine space but rather godless. Not that I was really surprised, but oh well. I liked the poets’ corner with all my favorites.

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We also took the subway all the way up to 190th to go to the Cloisters, another place on my bucket list.

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It was very cool. (I bought a book about how it all came to be and read it on the plane ride home. Thank you, John D. Rockefeller, Jr.) Afterwards we rode the subway back down and conked out. Then we got up and made ready for our evening out with some of daughter #1’s college (and one highschool) friends.

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Oh my–super fun!

By the time Sunday rolled around I was incapable of leaving the UWS and we opted to stay put and meander around, ending up on a park bench in Riverside Park, watching the world rollerblade or bicycle (training wheels optional) or jog by.

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While I was visiting we ate at a wide variety of wonderful restaurants and made one notable and tipsy stop at Zabar’s.

Now I am home and back at the salt mine. Last night I planted myself in front of Dancing With the Stars  in full recovery mode.

8 Comments
September 7, 2015

Ora et labora*

by chuckofish

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Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894, following the deaths of a number of workers during the Pullman Strike in Chicago. In an effort to conciliate organized labor after the strike, President Grover Cleveland and Congress designated the first Monday in September as a federal holiday.

When I was growing up it was considered the cut-off date for wearing white or seersucker. School resumed soon after. It also marked the start of the football season and new shows on T.V.

Much of all that has changed, but we still get the day off and for that I’m grateful.  I will enjoy staying home today.

Of course, not everyone gets the day off. The boy will be laboring in his retail job. Here he is in yet another video for Total Lacrosse.

Don’t forget: If you liked what you saw, hit that thumb’s up sign!

(P.S. It takes awhile for those Youtube vids to load.)

[The above picture was taken circa 1977-78 when my dual personality and brother were laboring to repair the roof of my parents’ garage. I was too afraid to go up on the roof (I did try) so I took the picture with my trusty Instamatic commemorating the event. Par for the course.]

*Pray and work

Almighty God, you have so linked our lives one with another that all we do affects, for good or ill, all other lives: So guide us in the work we do, that we may do it not for self alone, but for the common good; and, as we seek a proper return for our own labor, make us mindful of the rightful aspirations of other workers, and arouse our concern for those who are out of work; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

–BCP

 

5 Comments
August 28, 2015

“Comes an echo on the breeze, Rustling through the leafy trees, and its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois,”*

by chuckofish

Tomorrow my intrepid church buddies and I will embark on an overnight field trip to Springfield, Illinois. Why, you ask? Because we haven’t been there! And because we are belatedly celebrating Carla’s birthday!

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Greetings from ILL? Really?

We are going to check out the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum (designed by hometowner Gyo Obata at HOK)

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and the Lincoln home

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and who knows what else.

Since we’ll be there on Sunday morning, perhaps we’ll check out the Cathedral Church of St. Paul while we’re in the neighborhood.

cath-springThe current Cathedral was built between 1912 and 1913 to replace an older building located at Third and Adams Streets to house its congregation which was founded in 1835.  Its early members included, Ninian W. Edwards, son of Illinois’ first governor and husband of one of Mary Todd Lincoln’s sisters. Four Todd sisters attended the early church and were married there, including Frances Todd Wallace, Ann Todd Smith and Elizabeth Todd. Mary Todd was married to Abraham Lincoln by the first Rector, Charles Dresser. A marriage registery in which the marriage was recorded is preserved in the Canterbury House. (I had forgotten that the Todds were Episcopalians.)

Since tomorrow is the feast day of John Bunyan, it is appropriate to note that the ubiquitous Pilgrim’s Progress was one of the few books Lincoln could get his hands on to read as a boy. He was much influenced by it, as was another great U.S. president, Theodore Roosevelt, who wrote that

Great-Heart is my favorite character in allegory…just as Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress is to my mind one of the greatest books that was ever written; and I think Abraham Lincoln is the ideal Great-Heart of public life.

Having lived my whole life a few hours away from Lincoln-land, I am very happy to be finally making this pilgrimage.

And, oh yeah, this is pretty funny.

*from the Illinois state song, creatively named “Illinois” by Charles H. Chamberlain (1841–1894, also spelled Chamberlin)

5 Comments
August 25, 2015

Onward, Christian soldiers

by chuckofish

Today is the feast day of Saint Louis, King of France, not only on the R.C. calendar but our own Anglican liturgical calendar. I can’t imagine why.

Louis IX (25 April 1214 – 25 August 1270) was crowned King of France at the age of 12 and reigned until his death.

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Louis IX by El Greco–His mother thought he was handsome.

A devout Catholic, he is the only canonized king of France. According to Wikipedia, he was raised by his mother who trained him to be a great leader and a good Christian. She used to say:

I love you, my dear son, as much as a mother can love her child; but I would rather see you dead at my feet than that you should ever commit a mortal sin.

Well, okay then. In turn, he wrote to his own son:

My dearest son, you should permit yourself to be tormented by every kind of martyrdom before you would allow yourself to commit a mortal sin.

At this point I have to ask myself, What is a mortal sin anyway?

The answer is, of course, extremely complicated. Mortal sins–not to be confused with venial sins or “grave matter”–are wrongful acts that condemn a person to Hell after death if unforgiven. By the way, Mortal Sins should not be confused with the Seven Deadly Sins, which are not necessarily Mortal Sins. They are sins that lead to other sins.

Got that? Well, if you ask me, old King Louis seems to have been a bit obsessed with all this sinning. In fact, he wore a hair shirt most of the time and allowed himself to be scourged regularly, lest he enjoy Life too much.

Anyway, Louis established a hospital, was friends with fellow saint-to-be Thomas Aquinas, and took part in two Crusades, which were both total failures. But by all accounts he was a holy guy and so we Episcopalians have this prayer for him today:

O God, who didst call thy servant Louis of France to an earthly throne that he might advance thy heavenly kingdom, and didst give him zeal for thy Church and love for thy people: Mercifully grant that we who commemorate him this day may be fruitful in good works, and attain to the glorious crown of thy saints; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

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FYI: We have a pretty cool state of Louis IX in Forest Park here in the flyover town named after him. It has stood atop Art Hill since an unveiling ceremony on Oct. 4, 1906. The statue was inspired by the popularity of a similar statue made of reinforced plaster that was outside the 1904 World’s Fair at the main gate, at Lindell and Union boulevards. The original statue became popular as a place to meet and caught the eye of newspaper illustrators and cartoonists as a symbol of the fair. The committee that ran the fair presented the $42,000 bronze version as a gift to the city during its cleanup of the park.

Over the years Saint Louis’ sword has been broken or stolen a number of times. It was replaced in 1970, 1972, 1977 and 1981. Stealing, and later returning, the sword was considered a rite of passage for students in the engineering program at Washington University. Oh, those crazy engineers!

Be fruitful in good works, but enjoy the day!

4 Comments
August 24, 2015

The whole armor of God

by chuckofish

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; 16 besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one.17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 Pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that utterance may be given me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

–Ephesians 6:10-20

Yesterday, I was the first lector and read the Old Testament lesson. It was  a good one from Joshua which included the verse about “as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” I also got to read the verse “Far be it from us that we should forsake the LORD…” which was amusing to me because “far be it from me” was a favorite way our put-upon father liked to start a sentence. It was right up there with “Be that as it may…” Have you noticed that we do not hear these expressions much anymore?

The second lesson was the above reading from Ephesians which is a really great one–We all need to remember it every morning before going out into the world.

On Saturday the OM and I loaded up the car with old computers and headed to the recycling event in O’Fallon, only to be caught in a terrible thunderstorm–the kind where most sane people on the highway have their emergency flashers on and are creeping along at 35 miles an hour. Zut alors! We got there and deposited our stuff, but we wisely decided against going to Clarksville and headed home instead.

Crazy kids that we are, we stopped and had brunch at Schneithorst’s.

Well, one more small step in  my basement clean-up/organization project. Mission accomplished.

I also emptied the tall bookcases in my bedroom, carrying the many, many heavy books into another bedroom, and vacuumed behind them (!) in anticipation of having the room painted and wallpapered. This was quite a job.

I had been trying to read this book, but gave up.

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It was a clever idea, but the main character did not engage me and ultimately she was annoying. She did not seem true to the mid-19th century and I can’t help thinking that she would have irritated the hell out of old Captain Ahab. Well-written, but…myeh.

I watched Ride With the Devil, did you? It was so good! These characters seemed very authentic and true to their time. I loved it.

And have you seen this video? There are bears in the pool! A mom and 5 cubs! In New Jersey! “What’s the mudder going to do?!”

The little girl reminds me of daughter #1–“They’re eating my floatie!”

Have a good week and don’t forget to put on your breastplate of righteousness.

4 Comments
July 27, 2015

Loaves and fishes

by chuckofish

 

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I went to two memorial services in three days.

Mamu’s was a high requiem eucharist service for the repose of her soul with full choir and all the bells and whistles.

The other was for a work friend–a secular service with ten speakers extolling her impressive life. There was no religious element save the singing at the end of “Amazing Grace”, which seemed all the sadder for the evident lack of faith of the deceased. Twenty years of Catholic school sometimes has that effect.

We sang “Abide With Me” at Mamu’s service and that about undid me. What is it about hymns? Something about the familiar (sad) music and the words, I guess. It made me want to run home and watch Shane (1953)–I didn’t (but I did later on Sunday).

At church on Sunday we were reminded that it is that time of year again when we all collect money for the United Thank Offering in what we use to call our “mite” boxes.

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I brought one home and I intend to fill it up while counting my blessings.

It is a good spiritual practice to count your blessings. Are you in the habit of doing that?

Here are some wise words from Thomas a Kempis (c. 1380 – 25 July 1471), whose feast day was last Friday:

“As long as you live, you will be subject to change, whether you will it or not – now glad, now sorrowful; now pleased, now displeased; now devout, now undevout; now vigorous, now slothful; now gloomy, now merry. But a wise man who is well taught in spiritual labor stands unshaken in all such things, and heeds little what he feels, or from what side the wind of instability blows.”

Have a good Monday!

8 Comments
July 20, 2015

“All goes onward and outward—nothing collapses”*

by chuckofish

We experienced some highs and lows this past weekend.

Mamu died last Friday. She was the boy’s grandmother-in-law.

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I knew her a long time, since the boy was three years old in pre-school with her grand-daughter. I remember her clearly back then, because she frequently picked Lauren up from pre-school. She stood out among the other mothers in the carpool line. She drove a Jaguar then and was always dressed to the nines–usually in a cocktail suit and high heels, elegantly bejeweled, her blonde hair perfectly coiffed.

But she was no Joan Collins. She was friendly and thrilled to be the designated driver of her adorable three-year-old grand-daughter.

She and her husband were the most glamorous couple at our church. And probably the most devout. Indeed, there was a lot more to Mamu than her glittering facade let on. She was from Indiana, after all, and her people were solid folk.

I wish she had known my mother. Although very different in some ways, they shared a deep and abiding faith and I know they would have liked each other.

Anyway, I have no doubt that she is with Dick now, standing before the Throne.

Into paradise may the angels lead thee; and at thy coming may the martyrs receive thee, and bring thee into the holy city Jerusalem.

2012 The boy on his wedding day with Mamu who loved him.

2012 The boy on his wedding day with Mamu who loved him.

On the other side of things, the boy’s best man was in town and we had a mini celebration at church in honor of his going off to seminary next month.

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The boy, the future minister and Weezer–still in the choir.

It was a very special occasion–his friends and family, everyone in his church family who have known him forever, surrounded him before the altar and there were prayers and some laying on of hands, etc.

Afterwards there was cake!

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Godspeed, indeed, to Michael as he begins his studies at Yale. And Godspeed to dear Mamu on the next phase of her journey.

The circle of life.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

for the living of these days, for the living of these days.

–Harry Emerson Fosdick

*Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass #14

6 Comments