dual personalities

Tag: children

Tout va bien

by chuckofish

So look at this:Screen shot 2014-07-23 at 7.38.25 PMJ. Crew put my mantra on a t-shirt. Once again I am hipper than I supposed.

And guess what? It’s Friday!

I am, as usual, looking forward to my weekend. I have no glamorous plans beyond finishing this book

CuckoosCallingCover

which is not bad–Robert Galbraith, aka J.K. Rowling, knows her characters and the dialogue is quite good. The action moves right along. A couple of people at work recommended it and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.

I will also continue to scrape wallpaper glue off the walls of an upstairs bathroom.

Don’t worry–I won’t be home all weekend. I  plan to go to an Evensong service where the boy’s childhood friend (and Best Man) is preaching. The RSCM (Royal School of Church Music) choir camp will perform. All my children attended this  camp at some point, the boy for the longest duration. He even went to one in North Carolina. Anyway, that should be fun, if not super-fun.

The weather the last few days has been unbelievably beautiful–cool and not humid–and so unusual for this neck of the woods in July. I am extremely grateful. It is the kind of weather that makes you glad to be alive.

Take a deep breath and say, “Smell the pine in your nostrils!”

Okay I’ll explain. My best friend in the third grade Nancy went on a family vacation out west and she wrote me riotously funny letters. In one she described how her mother was continually saying, “Smell the pine in your nostrils!” Somehow this vivid picture stayed with me through the years and I used to say it to my children when they were growing up. We would giggle. Perhaps they will say it to their children.

Anyway, tout va bien! Have a great weekend.

 

Throwback Thursday

by chuckofish

Carnahan cousinsHere’s a summery-at-the-beach photo of three little ladies circa 1917–cousins, all named Catherine after their grandmother Catherine Rand Carnahan, after whom I am also named.

The oldest (top) is my grandmother Catherine Carnahan. The girl in the middle is her cousin, Catherine Carnahan. The baby is Catherine’s niece, Catherine Bays (daughter of her sister, Anna Carnaghan Bays).

I’m just saying…it’s a nice tradition.

 

Despite all our outfield saves*

by chuckofish

She was quiet and she stared at the sky. There were many ways of pursuing happiness and perhaps half of them were stupid. Most of the time you were a fool and the rest of it in pain.

–H.E. Bates, A Month at the Lake

Sometimes I feel this way. We all do, right? Sometimes I drive around on Saturday mornings going from estate sale to estate sale, feeling really stupid. And sometimes I think how much fun I would be having if my mother was there to ride around with me. She would have loved it. The driving around. The estate sale-ing. The being with me.

grad78

Sigh. My mother died 26 years ago today. I think about how much fun we’ve missed these last 26 years. She never even saw most of her grandchildren.

C’est la vie. We take the bitter with the sweet. We do our best. We are grateful for what we have. And had.

* “Honey, It’s Alright” by Gregory Alan Isakov

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord to thee*

by chuckofish

230px-Пророк_Иеремия,_Микеланжело_Буонаротти

I was a reader this Sunday and the first lesson was a great one from Jeremiah.

O LORD, you have enticed me, and I was enticed; you have overpowered me, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all day long; everyone mocks me. For whenever I speak I must cry out, I must shout, “Violence and destruction!” For the word of the LORD has become for me a reproach and derision all day long. If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. For I hear many whispering “Terror all around! Denounce him! Let us denounce him!” All my close friends are watching for me to stumble.”Perhaps he can be enticed, and we can prevail against him, and take revenge on him.” But the LORD is with me like a dread warrior; therefore my persecutors will stumble, and they will not prevail…Sing to the LORD; praise the LORD! For he delivered the life of the needy from the hands of the evildoers. (Jeremiah 20:7-13)

Anyone who thinks the scripture does not speak to us today, think again. At least, it spoke to me.

The assisting priest who gave the sermon did not, of course, refer to the first lesson or to the second, which I also read, but preached on the Gospel. Jesus tells us “What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops.” He says, don’t be afraid to take up the cross and follow.

But we are timid aren’t we? Especially in our current culture which delights in ridiculing believers. Perhaps I am especially aware of this working at a university. I know it is somewhat easier living in flyover country, but still. I do take heart knowing that old Jeremiah, writing over twenty-five centuries ago, encountered the same troubles.

garden

Anyway, it was good to get up and read those words, even if I was preaching to the choir.

We were at church on Friday night as well–for a fundraiser for the Episcopal City Mission, an old and worthy outreach program to the juveniles in detention in our fair city.

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We went for dinner and then wandered outside to see the activities for children, in particular the petting zoo.

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Even the OM got into the act.

OM

I went to a couple of good estate sales on Saturday. I bought a great chair which I’m sure will find its way into one of my kid’s homes. For now it is sitting in my “office”.

chair

I went to a house that through some detective work on my part–I am getting really good at figuring out who lives in the houses I visit–I discovered was the former home of an Episcopal priest, and indeed, the late dean of the Episcopal cathedral here in town. Bingo! I got some good books and a framed picture of a holy land landscape.

We had a couple of nice thunder storms. It rained, but that only made it muggier here. It is summer at last in the midwest. Sigh.

How was your weekend?

*Frances Ridley Havergal (1836-1879) hymn #707

“You give such charming parties, Mr. Charles.”*

by chuckofish

azaleas

Oh boy, quelle weekend! Never have I been to such a multi-day nuptial event. It was so well organized and perfect and, at the same time, unpretentious. But I shouldn’t be surprised. That sort of describes my friend whose daughter got married.

[Let me interject here that I did not spend my time taking pictures. A few times I hauled out my iPhone to snap something when I remembered my blog, but mostly I forgot. I took my good camera to the Botanical Garden and that was it. Mea culpa.]

My two daughters and I rendesvous-ed in College Park, spending one night at daughter #1’s cool pad where we toasted the weekend with custom cocktails by Nate, which was appropriate, because we proceeded to toast everything all weekend. It was that kind of weekend. Daughter #2 cooked and that is always a reason to celebrate as well.

We shoved off bright and early on Friday morning in order to reach Norfolk in time for the 2nd party (we missed the first one on Thursday night) which was a luncheon and cruise onboard a three-masted schooner.

schoonerYes, amazing, right? We reacquainted ourselves with old friends.

trio

After tooling around Norfolk Harbor for a couple of hours, we headed back to our waterside hotel and all fell deeply asleep. (I dreamed that the old man–who, by the way, was at a conference and not the wedding–held an estate sale and sold all my stuff, but that’s another story.)

We awoke in time to get dressed to go out to dinner before changing again for party #3 at a private club down the street. Sorry, I only recorded the view out the window.

the viewThe next day we headed to the Norfolk Botanical Garden which was fabulous. We walked all around and then hopped on the tram for a second time around.

wild flowers

magnolia

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See the turtle?

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Adorable that we packed the same outfit, right?

After departing the Garden we found a great place to have lunch and drank a pitcher of Sangria. Then we proceeded to get ready for the main event.

Don’t worry–we were hydrating.

hydrating

We boarded a double decker tour bus for the church and the lovely ceremony. Do I have a picture of the bride and groom? Of course not. (But there was no picture taking in the church anyway.) Oh well, take my word for it–they were like the couple on the top of the cake.

We got back on the bus and headed to the reception at the Yacht Club. Picture perfect and a band that played everything from Motown to Pharrell. The guests danced for hours. I think I did too.

dancing

There was an after party, but I did not attend. I bid adieu to the young folks who have more stamina than I. The next day we packed our bags

shoes2

and headed over to party #4–brunch at the lovely home of the bride’s parents.

brunch1

brunch2

The bride’s mother was planning to go to work the next day. Hello.

Thankfully we are a bit out of focus.

Thankfully we are a bit out of focus.

We hopped in the car and hit the road again. Sigh.

the road

 

The Thin Man (1934) of course

Oh, sweet and blessed country, The home of God’s elect! Oh, sweet and blessed country That eager hearts expect!*

by chuckofish

Well, I got a little weepy in the car yesterday morning on the way to work. I had just heard from a friend that another friend’s mother had died. The friend was at our reunion this weekend and her mother had died the day after she returned to Virginia. Listening to Steve Earle’s Pilgrim was just a little too much for me.

Harriet and I met in the three-year old class at Sunday School and went to school together starting at age four. She is my oldest friend.

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Sometimes I would go home with her after church because she was an only child and needed some company. So I have known her mother a long time. Her father was much older, a dignified, shadowy figure in the background, around whom we had to be quiet. But her mother was quite a gal.

Unlike other mothers of that period, she always wore pants–grey flannel pants with a blue oxford shirt. It was like a uniform. She wore a navy blue dress to church. She was from Texas and spoke with a distinctive accent. She was a small woman, but she knew how to shoot, and God help the person who broke into her home or threatened her child. She was tough–Barbara Stanwyck tough.

Furthermore, she was an M.D. at a time when there weren’t a whole lot of female doctors. She had worked in a M.A.S.H. unit in Korea**. She had seen it all.

After the war, she got married and had a child, and she retired from doctoring. She moved into a house in suburban flyover-ville and lived a presumably quiet life. But what do I really know? To me, she was a pillar of the Altar Guild.

All through high school I sat with her in church every Sunday, because my own mother skipped church and prepared her Sunday School lesson in her classroom. I logged many an hour with Harriet and her parents in the third row from the back, Epistle side.

This past weekend we were talking about people’s mothers and how you always knew the ones who didn’t really care about you and the ones who probably didn’t even like you at all. I knew Mrs. T liked me. She liked me a lot.

marys4

Here is a picture of Mary T (still wearing grey flannel pants) in 1985. She is pictured with her first grandchild, along with my daughter on my mother’s lap–all four named Mary.

* Jerusalem the Golden by Bernard of Cluny, Hymn #309 (Lutheran Worship Hymnal)
**I am not sure of my facts here, but it had to be Korea (not WWII) because of her age.

Happy birthday, Susiebelle!

by chuckofish

Today is daughter #2’s birthday!

Awkward Church Directory photo

Awkward Church Directory photo

I hope she is having a lovely day in Maryland, wined and dined by her friends and colleagues. Hopefully the sun is shining, the birds are singing and she is wearing something new and pretty.

But I sure miss her and wish we could celebrate her 24th birthday together. C’est la vie.

Watercolor-photo collage by Carlos Nunez

Watercolor-photo collage by Carlos Nunez

Well, even though her tresses are not raven, I always think of this poem by Lord Byron when I think of the “belle”:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

 

Happy birthday–we’ll be toasting you (and missing you) tonight!

People talk

by chuckofish

swinging

“You must know that there is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome and good for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about your education, but some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education.”

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

And life barrels on like a runaway train*

by chuckofish

HughB

Sunday is the birthday of Eugene Hugh Beaumont (February 16, 1909 – May 14, 1982) who you will recall was an American actor and television director. He was also an ordained Methodist minister. Hugh Beaumont is best known for his portrayal of Ward Cleaver on one of my favorite TV series, Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963) which I watched for years after school when it was in syndication.

Ward was not perfect. He made mistakes and he tried too hard sometimes and he lost his patience with his sons when they didn’t act as he thought they should. But he loved them and he could laugh at himself. Ward was a role model, and I have to say, it was very comforting to watch that syndicated show after school every day.

It has been suggested that Hugh Beaumont felt that he had been type-cast as Ward Cleaver and that his career suffered. Maybe it did. But I hope he knew that besides entertaining generations of people, he probably touched a lot of kids out there whose parents were not perfect and whose family was not as “functional” as the Cleavers. He touched me. I still cannot watch the above clip without getting a little misty-eyed.

Rest in peace, Hugh.

And here’s hoping you all have a nice Valentine’s Day and that someone gives you a nice card like the one above.

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P.S. FYI One of the writers for the show was Joss Whedon’s grandfather. This does not surprise me in the least.

*Ben Folds

Ehu fugaces labuntur anni*

by chuckofish

My siblings and I grew up in our lovely Midwestern city with two transplanted, New England parents. My father didn’t seem to miss his homeland that much — he didn’t really talk about it — but our mother felt like an exile (and actually used that word from time to time). She missed her family, yes, but her longing went deeper than that.

Mother had the heart of an explorer; oh, how she missed the New England mountains, woods, and waters! Emerson could have been describing her when he wrote:

We need the tonic of wildness…At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable.

While the longing for home, ski slopes, hiking trails, and canoes remained unfulfilled, Mother was not one to give up and do nothing. So with children in tow she set about exploring, usually on Sundays after church and usually unaccompanied by Father. We struggled up Forest Park’s version of Angel Falls.

For a four or five year old the path seemed incredibly arduous, muddy, and steep. All the way up I wondered what we would find at the top. It turned out to be just a field, but it seemed to exist in another world  — certainly not one just a few blocks from my house.

We visited the Park in all seasons. We went sledding, ice-skating, and boating at least once — maybe only once because we children behaved badly. But some places, such as the Jewel Box, we visited repeatedly.

jewel-box-forest-park-st-louis-1I particularly enjoyed this survival of the World’s Fair, since I cold run around on the paths, hide, and jump out at people (I regret to say, not always my family members). The Art Museum was one of my favorite destinations and there I developed a fascination for mummies, endless corridors of empty furnished rooms, and beautiful staircases to nowhere.

like this one, but not this one

like this one, but not this one

Mysterious spaces full of treasures.

Sometimes we just got in the car and drove until we got lost. Once we found an abandoned quarry with a lake of pink mud, a slough of despond if ever there was.

like this, but not this

like this, but not this

The rocks we threw into the slurry disappeared without trace. That trip scared me and gave me nightmares.

Sometimes we got a bit further afield and went to a state park like Elephant Rocks

I think Father came on this trip

I think Father came on this trip

That one made an impression on me because I almost got stuck trying to squeeze through a narrow passage in the rocks. I was not a skinny kid.

I could go on and on — I haven’t even touched books, movies, and baseball —  but I must say that except for the occasional moments of terror (e.g. pink mud and narrow spaces), I loved these outings. Until recently I probably would have said that my childhood was pretty boring and that time lagged horribly during long, hot summers, but I now realize that we actually did quite a bit when I was little. My mother managed to make even the twentieth trip to the Historical Society or the Art Museum interesting. Even if I didn’t know it at the time, these outings helped me develop a keen imagination and various interests. Quite by accident, I learned plenty, too.

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And if there was sometimes an element of desperation in my mother’s efforts, well, she had reason. But I know she also enjoyed herself, too, because she loved to learn and be with her children.

What childhood outings do you remember best?

*Alas, the fleeting years slip by (Horace).