gratitude | dual personalities

April 21, 2020

“Is this the face that wrecked 1000 ships and burned the towerless tops of Illium?”*

by chuckofish

“Time passed again. I don’t know how long. I had no watch. They don’t make that kind of time in watches anyway.”
― Raymond Chandler, Farewell, My Lovely

Life goes on–rather monotonously. Some days are more exciting than others.

I had a nice birthday, if an unusual one. The OM informed me on Friday that he had completely forgotten about my birthday and that it was too late to do anything about it. I took the news like the adult that I am. I told him not to go to Walgreens and buy office supplies for me. He did don a mask and gloves to go to the grocery store where he bought some flowers and a cake. We barbecued.

Earlier in the day I talked to my DP and flowers were delivered from daughter #2 (who had also had the wherewithal to mail a present).

I got an eGiftcard from daughter #1 for our local spa for whenever it re-opens (!) The boy, daughter #3 and the wee babes did a drive-by Andy’s frozen custard delivery.

And Carla drove by to drop off wine and chocolate (the basics)!

After my work day ended and we dined, I watched John Wayne in Stagecoach (1939). What more could a girl ask for? Not much really.

*Doc Boone in Stagecoach (1939)

7 Comments

April 10, 2020

“Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.”*

by chuckofish

Today is Good Friday and I am taking the day off. Yes, I am still home–where else would I be?–but I am not checking my work email and reading spreadsheets or attending Zoom meetings. I will try to focus on the day, starting with John 13: 31–18:1 and moving on through the readings of the day. We’ll see how far I get.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Romans 7:15)

Today is also the birthday of Lew Wallace (April 10, 1827 – February 15, 1905)…

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…Civil War General, Governor of the territory of New Mexico when it was quite a hotspot, and author of Ben-Hur. I will toast him tonight as I watch Ben-Hur (1959), which as you know, is a Good Friday tradition in my family.

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Also I will note that tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Michael Curtiz died in 1962. He was an amazing director, one of the best. He was “the classic example of a studio director in that he could turn his hand to almost anything. He could go from any genre to another, and somehow this Hungarian knew exactly how those genres worked.” (film historian David Thomson)

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From Captain Blood (1935) to The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) to The Santa Fe Trail (1939) to Casablanca (1941) to Mildred Pierce (1945) to Life With Father (1947) to White Christmas (1954) and King Creole (1958)–you can’t go wrong. Here’s a list of his impressive filmography.

Curtiz didn’t direct any religious or biblical epics, but he did direct The Egyptian (1954) which was based on an international best seller by Mika Waltari published in the 1940s. I might have to check it out.

Screen Shot 2020-04-09 at 10.41.24 AM.png Meanwhile the Babylon Bee continues to amuse:

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Way harsh, but not unfair.

Have a blessed Easter. Celebrate it in whatever way makes your heart sing! Even if it’s just on your computer, celebrate it! Eat some Episcopal soufflé, pop the prosecco and watch Ben-Hur! Alleluia, Christ is risen indeed.

“O death, where is thy victory?
O death, where is thy sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

(I Cor. 15:55-57)

*Ezekiel 37:4

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April 7, 2020

All glory, laud, and honor to thee, Redeemer, King!

by chuckofish

Well, I have been spending a lot of time in this room lately. Thankfully, I like this room. I like all the rooms in my house.

And, as you can see, I like to see my favorite people around me.

I haven’t seen my loved ones (except the OM) up close for over three weeks. We get daily texts…

…describing their daily endeavors. Both daughter #1 and daughter #3 have been occupied making face masks. The boy brought two over for our use yesterday and he stood at the front door and we gabbed for a few minutes which was nice.

I have to say I am starting to really like my virtual church services from Charlottesville, Virginia–beamed in from afar. It is the bare bones of the service: the litany, the hymns, a sermon. I sing along and pray aloud. Maybe I am losing it, but I don’t think so. Our hometown rector says, when this is over and we can go back to church, we will have a big party (with booze, we’re Episcopalians) and I am all for it. But in the meantime, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the peace and quiet and the company of angels.

Sunday afternoon I spent a few hours watching the first half of Franco Zeffirelli’s Jesus of Nazareth.

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I thoroughly enjoyed it and will watch the rest during the week. It is a great lead up to Good Friday.

A childhood friend of mine who has lived in Texas since college re-posted this on Facebook and I have to share it because I think it is spot on:

After the President’s news conference was over tonight, one of the reporters made the observation that for the first time in our nation’s history we won’t be celebrating Easter. Well let me tell you one thing, [the reporter is] dead wrong. We might not celebrate what Easter has become in that there may be no new clothes bought for that Sunday. We might not hide and hunt eggs in mass quantities. We may not travel home to attend church with our family. We might not see some folks at our worship services that we haven’t seen since Christmas, but we’re going to Celebrate Easter. As a matter of fact, every Sunday is Easter Sunday. Every time we assemble for worship we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Pilate couldn’t kill Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him. You think the Coronavirus is going to stop Easter? More people this year will hear the gospel than any other Easter before.

Easter is not just about special programs. Its not about the egg hunt or good lunch. It’s not about the trumpet call or the mass crowds. It’s the fact that we serve a living Savior who is still transforming lives today. Easter is not only about His resurrection, but our ability to rise with Him. Easter is about the hope of tomorrow and the gift of everlasting life. Yes indeed, we will celebrate. We’ll celebrate what God did for all of us at Calvary. How? By remembering Him. By loving Him. By worshipping Him. By praising Him. Easter for us is everyday. Let the celebration begin. Sing with me:

I serve a risen Savior, He’s in the world today
I know that He is living, whatever men may say
I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer
And just the time I need Him He’s always near
He lives (He lives), He lives (He lives), Christ Jesus lives today
He walks with me and talks with me
Along life’s narrow way
He lives (He lives), He lives (He lives), Salvation to impart
You ask me how I know He lives?
He lives within my heart

Happy Easter my friends!🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

In the meantime I will continue to “work remotely,” listen to Sinclair Ferguson sermons on YouTube while needlepointing, take walks and appreciate the beauty of spring.

How about you?

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March 6, 2020

“The morning stars sang together”

by chuckofish

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To make suggests making something out of something the way a carpenter makes wooden boxes out of wood. To create suggests making something out of nothing the way an artist makes paintings or poems. It is true that artists, like carpenters, have to use something else—paint, words—but the beauty or meaning they make is different from the material they make it out of. To create is to make something essentially new.

When God created the creation, God made something where before there had been nothing, and as the author of the book of Job puts it, “the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy” (38:7) at the sheer and shimmering novelty of the thing. “New every morning is the love / Our wakening and uprising prove” says the hymn. Using the same old materials of earth, air, fire, and water, every twenty-four hours God creates something new out of them. If you think you’re seeing the same show all over again seven times a week, you’re crazy. Every morning you wake up to something that in all eternity never was before and never will be again. And the you that wakes up was never the same before and will never be the same again either.

-Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

The days seem to blend together, but we must be careful that we don’t look at them that way. Each day is a wonderful gift, isn’t it? My days at work are long but pleasant. I am grateful to have the stamina to stay all day. Evenings at home, after changing into my evening loungeware, are warm and comfortable. At the end of the day I am happy to climb into my cozy bed, read for a little while and then sleep through the night.

Sometimes, like this past Tuesday, the day goes against routine. The wee laddie came over after work and stayed with us while Lottiebelle went to her dance class. For awhile he and I picked up sticks in the front yard and gathered gumballs.

Screen Shot 2020-03-05 at 7.18.43 PM.png This was great fun and the little bud was very proud of his skills. We looked at the daffodils that are coming up and at the forsythia bushes which are budding. Everything is exciting and new when you are with a three year-old. After coming inside, we watched truck videos until daughter #3 came to pick him up.

Screen Shot 2020-03-05 at 7.27.29 PM.png This weekend I am going to a workshop for lay readers and to a couple of estate sales. I’m going to organize my closet and look at my spring clothes. I’m going to get things ready at home for daughter #2’s arrival next week. (She’s coming into town for a baby shower!)

Have a good weekend!

“What God may hereafter require of you, you must not give yourself the least trouble about. Everything He gives you to do, you must do as well as ever you can, and that is the best possible preparation for what He may want you to do next. If people would but do what they have to do, they would always find themselves ready for what came next.”
― George MacDonald

The painting is by Edward Hopper, Cape Cod Morning, 1950

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January 17, 2020

“So lift your head and keep singing/ Praise the Lord”

by chuckofish

As of this morning, I only have two more radiation treatments! I should be finished next week on Tuesday. Praise the Lord. 🙏🙏🙏

Earlier in the week a friend from my former church gave me a prayer shawl which she had made. They have a Knitting Ministry at this church–their mission being “to offer fellow parishioners and friends tangible and spiritual love, comfort and prayers through the knitted objects that they make–Mantles of Comfort, Baby Blankets of Love and Chemo Caps.” I was touched to receive this mantle of comfort. I do feel “uplifted and affirmed.”

Sunday is our mother’s birthday (along with Dolly Parton and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) so I thought I would feature this photo of her and my older brother from the Worcester Sunday Telegram in 1954.

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These days I am am looking a lot like my 3-year old brother here. At least my eyebrows and eyelashes have started to come back. Praise the Lord. 🙏🙏🙏

Thankfully the weekend is upon us. We are probably in for more bad weather, but in the words of the Puritan Anne Bradstreet, “If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”

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I’m in.

*Mat Maher

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December 31, 2019

“O come, O Bright and Morning Star, and bring us comfort from afar!”*

by chuckofish

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Well, we have had a lovely relaxed time, taking it easy over the Christmas holiday. Since daughter #2 and DN left last Friday…

…we have eased into our leisure time, going to lunch at some of our off-the-beaten-track favorites, like the Fiddlehead Fern restaurant…

…taking afternoon naps, followed by a late afternoon glass of wine in front of the fire…

…and watching movies…

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On Wednesdays we wear pink.

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The OM was in complete and utter hog heaven watching this movie. I really enjoyed it too.

I also went to the funeral of my dear friend Ruby. Daughter #1 kindly drove me to St. Charles, Missouri across the river where we found her Episcopal Church next to the campus of Lindenwood University. It was packed, because, of course, she was a devoted and active member. The service, which she had specified down to the last detail and saved in her safe deposit box, was Rite I and Rite II (the communion) and included her favorite hymns. It was lovely and nearly two hours long. Her ashes were buried afterwards in the memorial garden of the church, but not in a niche–in the ground. We all threw some dirt on top of her ashes (half of which are going to Wyoming) which I had never done before. I found it to be very meaningful.

Ruby was born and raised in the Flint Hills of eastern Kansas and she loved the wide open sky there.

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The Flint Hills, photo from National Geographic

She would get choked up talking about it. Several of her hymns reflected that:

The spacious firmament on high,
With all the blue ethereal sky,
And spangled heavens, a shining frame,
Their great Original proclaim.
The unwearied sun from day to day
Does his Creator’s power display,
And publishes to every land
The work of an almighty hand.

–Joseph Addison, hymn #409

Anyway, her funeral was a true reflection of Ruby, which is as it should be. May she rest in peace and rise in glory.

Meanwhile, I was back at work Monday to check on things and go through 150 emails…Today we get ready to celebrate the new year: 2020! Can you believe it? Twenty years into the 21st century!

Then it’s back to the salt mine for real on Thursday. Speaking of salt mines, this made me laugh.

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Happy New Year! Make good choices!

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*John Mason Neale (1851)

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December 27, 2019

There’ll be much mistletoeing/And hearts will be glowing

by chuckofish

The Christmas cactus bloomed on schedule and we had a lovely week, full of family and friends and good food.

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It went by too fast–daughter #2 and DN are leaving today! Hopefully next week I’ll be able to process it all and I’ll have a few more postcards from our flyover Christmas. Let’s all try to hold on to the good vibes.

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December 13, 2019

Dear Santa Claus

by chuckofish

And the Lord will guide you continually,
    and satisfy your desire with good things,
    and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
    like a spring of water,
    whose waters fail not.

–Isaiah 58:11 (RSV)

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What do you want for Christmas? All I want is the usual–for everyone in my family to be happy with the gifts I give them. I would also like my eyebrows and eyelashes to grow back. 😑

By the way, the wee babes turned three on Wednesday!

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They are still pretty little, but they’ve come a long way, haven’t they?

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One and a half pounds!

They never cease to amaze me.

Yes, Santa came to the NICU!

Although there are two weekends before Christmas, I know that this is the last weekend when I will actually be able to get much done, so that is my plan. Maybe we’ll even get the tree up. (Maybe not.) How about you?

While I am getting things done, I will be listening to Christmas music. Here’s one of my favorite carols, based on an old Longfellow poem, and sung by Casting Crowns.

You can read the poem here.

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November 29, 2019

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep/ I count my blessings instead of sheep”*

by chuckofish

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Well, Thanksgiving was great fun.

We celebrated the boy’s birthday…

Just try to take a picture of these nutballs without blurring!

and had a dance party,

ate a delicious meal,

and watched our favorite Thanksgiving movie.

And now it is time to switch gears. Advent starts on Sunday! Here’s a new idea:

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This sounds like a good idea to me! Let’s do it!

*Irving Berlin

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November 26, 2019

Humble and hearty thanks

by chuckofish

For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

– 1 Timothy 4:4-5 (NIV)

We have a lot to be thankful for! For instance, I was glad to see that they are still making Thanksgiving art projects (in pre-school) using a handprint as the basis for a turkey.

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I am grateful that the OM and I can make an evening out of a take-out dinner and The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)–which we did last weekend. Who needs a night on the town? Not us.

I am grateful that I have been able to do the lion’s share of my Christmas shopping online this year, because I have barely been in a store in the last six months! However, I plan to “shop local” this Saturday to support our local economy. I know retailers need that. The boy will be putting in a lot of hours this weekend at his small business!

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Speaking of the boy, I am thankful that we will be celebrating his birthday on Thanksgiving! He was born on the day after Thanksgiving 33 years ago–before the day was universally referred to as Black Friday.

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He has been through a lot in his 33 years…

…but he knows that adversity builds character.

I am thankful that two out of three of my children will be home for Thanksgiving and that we will enjoy a delicious meal followed by yummy pie and our annual viewing of Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987). (Daughter #2 will be far away but well taken care of.)

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I am thankful that I don’t have to travel anywhere this week.

Although I am thankful for my job and all those I work with, I am also thankful to have a few days off from that job! I will be well rested (I hope) when I start my radiation treatments (28!) after this weekend. I am thankful for those too, right? Yes, I am.

ALMIGHTY God, Father of all mercies, We thine unworthy servants do give thee most humble and hearty thanks For all thy goodness and loving-kindness To us, and to all men; We bless thee for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life; But above all, for thine inestimable love In the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ; For the means of grace, And for the hope of glory. And, we beseech thee, give us that due sense of all thy mercies, That our hearts may be unfeignedly thankful, And that we show forth thy praise, Not only with our lips, but in our lives; By giving up ourselves to thy service, And by walking before thee in holiness and righteousness all our days; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost be all honor and glory, world without end. Amen.

–BCP, A General Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

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