dual personalities

As I’m sure is true for everyone, I am experiencing a variety of highs and lows these days. I oscillate between feeling grateful for my relatively good conditions and unavoidably anxious about all that is outside of my control. This weekend I felt quite low by Sunday afternoon and had to pull out all the stops to cheer myself up, including calling my mother for a second day in a row. She helpfully reminded me that on top of everything else I might be subject to some third-trimester hormonal swings. Touché, I say!

This half-hearted attempt at a smile sums it up pretty well

Anyway, you can probably guess what the lows are. Mostly I miss the spontaneity that comes with the freedom to leave one’s house on a whim. I mean, we plan out our meals for 2 weeks at this point. There is no moment to say, “I’m craving guacamole! Go grab avocados!” And I read in someone’s personal essay on the topic (yes, the personal essay has really had a comeback in this context) that she felt like anticipation didn’t exist anymore. We don’t have things to look forward to, because we can’t plan anything! So there’s less last-minute whimsy fun, and no long-term planned-for fun. The closest thing we have is the thrill of productivity — I am still, of course, embracing my at-home to-do list! It’s sad how much I’ve embraced the joy of vacuuming — but I must say, that joy is fleeting.

That’s enough of the negative. We did have some highs…

DN’s birthday was last week, and I think I did a pretty good job making it feel festive. Who doesn’t appreciate a silly banner like the one below? We enjoyed homemade cinnamon rolls for several days, and wrapped presents (even if you have to use the dregs of the wrapping paper reserves) are always joyful. The fact of the birthday forced us to try to feel celebratory, and that was a good thing.

We (haha, DN) also assembled the crib, and the nursery is feeling a little more put-together. How do you like Tintin as decor? I think it’s perfect and colorful.

Do I need a crib skirt?

Last but not least, we retrieved a number of Steve McQueen DVDs from our basement. We enjoyed The Thomas Crown Affair first, which was comforting in its abundance of style. To watch something that was so of its era — so sixties — really took me out of the present moment! Next up: