January | 2018 | dual personalities

Birthday girls

by chuckofish

Today is our mother’s birthday. She would have been 92! It seems impossible that she has been gone thirty years. Well, gone, but certainly not forgotten.

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“There is so little to remember of anyone – an anecdote, a conversation at a table. But every memory is turned over and over again, every word, however chance, written in the heart in the hope that memory will fulfill itself, and become flesh, and that the wanderers will find a way home, and the perished, whose lack we always feel, will step through the door finally and stroke our hair with dreaming habitual fondness not having meant to keep us waiting long.”

–Marilynne Robinson, Housekeeping

This year I will turn the age our mother was when she died. It is a strange feeling.

I believe in life, which one day each of us shall lose. When we are young we think we won’t, that we are different. As a child I thought that I would never grow up, that I could will it so. And then I realized, quite recently, that I had crossed some line, unconsciously cloaked in the truth of my chronology. How did we get so damn old?

–Patti Smith, M Train

Yes, indeed, how did we get so damn old?

I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and her book in my hands. Like a lot of things in my life, I’d just about worn it out, but it was worn out with love, and that’s the best kind of worn-out there is. Maybe we’re like all those used cars, broken hand tools, articles of old clothing, scratched record albums, and dog-eared books. Maybe there really isn’t any such thing as mortality; that life simply wears us out with love.

–Craig Johnson, Kindness Goes Unpunished

Well, I didn’t mean to get all serious, but, you know, sometimes we do.

P.S. Big congratulations to our other birthday girl Dolly Parton,
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who was recognized in the Guinness World Records 2018 edition for earning the records for most decades with a Top 20 hit on the US Country Songs chart as well as most hits on the U.S. Hot Country Songs chart by a female artist. You go, girl!

Hey, it’s Friday! Have a good weekend!

5 Comments

January 18, 2018

Throwback Thursday

by chuckofish

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Did you know that Lillie Langtry visited St. Louis in January, 1883? Well, she did and she caused quite a stir. St. Louisans, we are told, were “agog over her presence” and why wouldn’t they be? Oscar Wilde, it was said, was inspired by her beauty to write Lady Windemere’s Fan. Daughter of an Anglican dean, the Very Reverend William Corbet Le Breton, Langtry was one of the first international superstars.

When Col. A.B. Cunningham, an editor of the St. Louis Globe Democrat, was denied access to her quarters at the Southern Hotel for an interview, he stormed past her servants to find the lady breakfasting en negligee with Fred Gebhard, her manager. The Globe ran a scathing story about the actress, claiming that her success was due soley to her notoriety and urging St. Louisans to ban her stage performances as a protection to the city’s morals. Gebhard called Cunningham an infamous liar, whereupon Cunningham challenged him to a duel. After Lillie persuaded Fred not to accept, Cunningham posted placards around town denouncing him as a coward. The city’s other newspapers had a grand time writing of the whole affair, and Lillie’s performances were sold out.

Some things never change, right? Our expectations of the press certainly…

Anyway, all this talk of Lillie Langtry made me think of the The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972) which stars Paul Newman as the infamous Bean,

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who is obsessed with “the Jersey Lilly”. Langtry is played by the beautiful Ava Gardner, who makes a cameo appearance at the end of the film.

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The movie, directed by John Huston, is a bit strange, but I saw it again recently and I enjoyed it. There is a lot of humor in the screenplay by John Milius, but the underlying tone is sad and elegiac and the music by Maurice Jarre supports that. Paul Newman raises the bar once again. So if you are looking for something to watch, check it out.

Meanwhile I’ll raise a toast tonight to the lovely Lille Langtry.

(Information regarding Langtry’s visit to St. Louis from Frances Hurd Stadler, St. Louis Day By Day)

2 Comments

January 17, 2018

“If you want to be neutral, move to Switzerland.”

by chuckofish

I have been following the Madcap Cottage gents for years it seems, long before they were even on Instagram.

I love their vibe. They like elephants and needlepoint and chinoiserie. They like to reupholster vintage furniture with good bones in jazzy fabric. They love a good estate sale or flea market find. They like collections.

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Last week I finally bought their book which was released last fall.

I like wiling away an hour or two looking at a decorating book full of lovely photographs of beautiful rooms, don’t you?

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This book is full of good advice as well as pretty pictures, advice from the gents and from their style icons: Sister Parrish, Dorothy Draper, David Hicks, etc.

Dip your toe into the world of pattern mixing and throw caution to the wind by setting your dining table with mismatched china. Not only is this an easy way to explore the power of pattern, it also will give your dining room a fresh look without a makeover.

Haven’t I been saying this for years?

Anyway, I think the gents would approve of my recent decorating choices, especially my dining room wallpaper:

and my newest estate sale renovation:

So take this as a reminder to do what pleases you when it comes to decorating your home. You live there. Outside of work, it is where you spend most of your time, right?

Right. Have fun feathering your nest. “Be brave, be bold, be gutsy!” The gents would approve.

4 Comments

January 16, 2018

Back to the salt mine musings

by chuckofish

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There was a lot of coming and going during this long weekend, and sometimes this old lady could barely keep track of who was here and who wasn’t.

C’est la vie and I am not complaining. I am rejoicing.

It even snowed a little, just a dusting, but enough so we could see red fox tracks zipping through our yard.

Life is full of wonder.

Although it was only four o’clock, the winter day was fading. The road led southwest, toward the streak of pale, watery light that glimmered in the leaden sky. The light fell upon the two sad young faces that were turned mutely toward it: upon the eyes of the girl, who seemed to be looking with such anguished perplexity into the future; upon the somber eyes of the boy, who seemed already to be looking into the past. The little town behind them had vanished as if it had never been, had fallen behind the swell of the prairie, and the stern frozen country received them into its bosom. The homesteads were few and far apart; here and there a windmill gaunt against the sky, a sod house crouching in a hollow. But the great fact was the land itself, which seemed to overwhelm the little beginnings of human society that struggled in its somber wastes.

–Willa Cather, O Pioneers!

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“Clouds Coming Over the Plains” by Albert Bierstadt

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January 15, 2018

“Speak, for your servant is listening.”*

by chuckofish

Visit then this soul of mine, pierce the gloom of sin and grief!

Fill me, radiancy divine; scatter all my unbelief;

More and more thyself display, shining to the perfect day.

–Charles Wesley, hymn #7

Boy, do I love a three-day weekend! Don’t you? Daughter #1 stopped overnight Friday on her way to Indianapolis to meet up with some old college friends who also had had exciting careers in NYC and then moved back to the midwest. Then she stopped last night on her way back to central Missouri. How fun is that? We watched The World of Henry Orient (1964)–“an Upper East Side” movie and one of our faves. It is by far my favorite Peter Sellers movie and the girls in this film are dear to my heart.

(Like all trailers, this one does not quite convey the true idea/flavor of the movie.)

In between I met with my girlfriends to plan a bridal shower in March. Bells are ringing (again)! I puttered around the house putting stuff away. This is what I do and this is what brings me joy.

We had a guest preacher at church on Sunday–the Bishop’s Deputy for Gun Violence Prevention. I thought, oh brother, are we in for it, but he actually preached on MLK (his feast day is April 4, whatever) and tied it into the OT reading. Okay, then.

The wee babes came over on Sunday night for dinner and to show us their new haircuts.

That face!

Their mother loves to take them to have their locks shorn–I’m not sure why and neither are they.

But mine is not to reason why. They are adorable regardless.

Here are a few things from the internet:

This was interesting. #6 is particularly true–especially for those of us with scary RBF**: “Remember to smile. It will brighten your aspect and your voice, and serve as a corrective to the inevitable facial droop.”

I couldn’t agree more with this. Bravo.

Have a great week.

Thanks be to Thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, for all the benefits which Thou has given me, for all the pains and insults which Thou hast borne for me, O most merciful Redeemer, Friend and brother, may I know Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, and follow Thee more nearly, day by day.

–St. Richard of Chichester

*I Samuel 3:10

**Resting Bitch Face

3 Comments

January 13, 2018

“If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”*

by chuckofish

Yesterday, the temperature reached 60; all the snow melted and there were floods. This morning it is 9 and a winter storm is busily dropping a foot of snow on us. The world is silent: no plows have come by; no one is out shoveling; everyone is hunkered down inside.

Nowadays, people seem to look at the weather the way they do anything they can’t control, as a moral outrage. Remember what the great Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, once wrote:

Some things are in our control, while others are not. We control our opinion, choice, desire, aversion, and, in a word, everything of our own doing. We don’t control our body, property, reputation, position, and, in a word, everything not of our own doing.

(from Holiday and Hanselman, The Daily Stoic, 2016)

Obviously, the weather is beyond our control. We can, and should, prepare for bad weather, but we can also enjoy it. It would be boring to live where the climate never changed.

It’s not as if winter doldrums are anything new. Take this letter from my great grandmother to my great aunt, Hazel, dated January 13, 1931 — this very day 87 years ago!

Dear Hazel,

I received your letter yesterday and as you say it won’t be long before spring — just think, this is the 13th of Jan. I can hardly believe it is so far into the winter. I am glad you are able to get at your rugs (?) again — they will take up your mind and it is nice to be working on some color you like. I think, like you, that yellow is a lovely color and helps to cheer you up. Please try and look on the bright side and look forward to spring. It won’t be long now…(the letter discusses some mutual acquaintances and ends as follows).

I wish you could have a nice plant of some kind in your room. Could you get one at the greenhouse? I would like to send you the money for it. Let me know.

Loads of love, Mama

Mama gave good advice. If winter gets you down, get busy working on something you enjoy! While I can’t say I’m a big fan of the color yellow in home-decorating, I do love yellow flowers in a bouquet.

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Why not treat yourself to some grocery store flowers or a plant as a reminder that spring really IS right around the corner? Plants brighten up a room, refresh the air, and give you an excuse to buy pretty ceramic pots.

I recommend philodendrons — it’s easy to keep them alive and thriving.

So. No giving in to seasonal affective disorder (SAD). No winter doldrums. Get moving and remember that Epictetus said you can control what you think and feel. Remember, too, that we’re not as young as we were and have to take precautions. Don’t shovel heavy, wet snow or exercise when it’s super cold. Hire someone with a snow-blower/plow or just stay inside until it melts. With weather this changeable that will probably be next week!

Have a great weekend.

*Percy Bysshe Shelley “Ode to the West Wind”

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January 12, 2018

Thou wouldst have us learn this day

by chuckofish

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They say we are in for some wintery weather this weekend.

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Well, it’s winter. The chill is on, as the meteorologists are fond of saying.

It has been a hard week and I am ready for some down time. And some baby time.

Have a good weekend.

“The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.”

–Laura Ingalls Wilder

5 Comments

January 11, 2018

I will follow you into the dark*

by chuckofish

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I went to the funeral of another Jewish friend yesterday. It was at a very large Reform congregation; the service was minimal. We said the 23rd Psalm and the rabbi read the Mourner’s Kaddish. In between, members of her family gave eulogies for their beloved mother and grandmother, who was an accomplished and much admired lady. Her 96 years by all accounts were happy ones. The message, however, was life is a journey and the journey ends at death.

A funeral like this always leaves me feeling empty and kind of sad. Reading some Frederick Buechner puts things in perspective for me.

When it comes to the mystery of death, like the mystery of life, how can any of us know anything? If there is a realm of being beyond where we now are that has to do somehow with who Jesus is, and is for us, and is for all the world, then how can we know the way that will take us there?

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life,” is how he answers. He does not say the church is the way. He does not say his teachings are the way, or what people for centuries have taught about him. He does not say religion is the way, not even the religion that bears his name. He says he himself is the way. And he says that the truth is not words, neither his words nor anyone else’s words. It is the truth of being truly human as he was truly human and thus at the same time truly God’s. And the life we are dazzled by in him, haunted by in him, nourished by in him is a life so full of aliveness and light that not even the darkness of death could prevail against it.

How do we go where he is? How do we who have a hard enough time just finding our way home in the night find the way that is his way, the way that is he? Who of us can say, and yet who of us doesn’t search for the answer in our deepest places?

As for me, I think what we are to do is to keep on ringing and ringing and ringing, because that ringing – and the longing, the faith, the intuition that keeps us at it – is the music of the truth trying to come true even in us. I think that what we are to do is to try to draw near to him and to each other any way we can because that is the last thing he asked of us. “Love one another as I have loved you” John 15:12) is the way he said it… By believing against all odds and loving against all odds, that is how we are to let Jesus show in the world and to transform the world.

– from Secrets in the Dark

*Death Cab For Cutie