Tout va bien
by chuckofish
One of my favorite bloggers was cogitating the other day on the question: “If you could give one piece of advice to your teenage self, what would it be?” This is pretty funny considering old Leandra is still in her early twenties.
Looking back over a much longer expanse of years (!), I would have plenty to say to the poor, pitiful, mini-skirted me of the 1970s.
Striped knee socks were cool! Really.
My 40th high school reunion is coming up this May, so I have actually been thinking about it.
First and Foremost: Do not worry so much about what other people think of you! My dual personality never worried about this, and for years she would say to me in a tone of mild disgust, “Why do you care what other people think?” Well, I don’t know why, but I just did. Some people are born caring about that.
It is, however, another one of those things you can train yourself not to do. But it takes years and a lot of effort. Well into my fifties now, I have pretty much succeeded in doing so and not caring is, indeed, freeing.
I think Holden Caulfield suffered from this too:
“I was sixteen then, and I’m seventeen now, and sometimes I act like I’m about thirteen. Sometimes, I act a lot older than I am–I really do. But people never notice it. People never notice anything.”*
I could relate back then, and I still do. Isn’t it natural to want recognition? I certainly did as a teenager. Other people always seemed to get the credit. Our headmaster once even thanked another girl for heading up some event for which I was co-chair. He was a doofus, but it was typical. Oh well, c’est la vie. By the time I graduated from high school, I couldn’t wait to leave, and that is as it should be.
I have learned though that ultimately none of it matters. Not in the long run. And the old saying about how you can get a lot done if you don’t care who gets the credit, is SO true. I embrace it.
Is this what Jung meant when he wrote, “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.”
What would you tell your teenage self?
* The Catcher in the Rye
dual personalities 
Pretty much the same thing. Except (if my 40th indicates anything), while I don’t care any more what everyone thinks I still care what some people think.
I hate that feeling.
That’s a deep, meaningful picture — it’s quite wonderful. I stand by ‘don’t worry so much about what other people think’. Instead, I would emphasize ‘care about how other people feel’. In other words, I’d tell myself to work on empathy. The world could do with more of it.
We were trying very hard to look deep and meaningful that’s for sure.
And it’s not caring so much about what other people think, but what they think about YOU. Teenagers are always thinking about themselves and I do think that’s something that changes as we get older. As you say, caring more about what other people are feeling would naturally take the spotlight from oneself.
Caring about what other people think is the WORST. But, great picture!
I sure DO love that picture!
Never had a clue that you worried about what other people thought, but Apparently you did. Undeniably the upside of being in our 50’s is that we don’t fret about “fitting in” anymore.
I do recall this Greenleaves pic being taken and our attempt to look artsy. I remember an awful ” poem” (or was it a haiku?) I submitted to them about a lawn sprinkler. I did it as a joke and they printed it.
Indeed, there are many up sides of being over 50. If only I was that thin and had that hair!