dual personalities

Month: July, 2013

No instructions

by chuckofish

This is how I felt yesterday trying to think of something to blog about.

Thomas Eakins' "The Artist's Wife and His Setter"

Thomas Eakins’ “The Artist’s Wife and His Setter”

I tried to get excited about Thomas Eakins, the artist who painted this picture,

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but I couldn’t.

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Even the babies in his paintings were thoughtful and looked depressed.

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So I will just offer you this thought for the day from Anne Lamott:

“You will go through your life thinking there was a day in second grade that you must have missed, when the grown-ups came in and explained everything important to other kids. They said, ‘Look, you’re human, you’re going to feel isolated and afraid a lot of the time, and have bad self-esteem, and feel uniquely ruined, but here is the magic phrase that will take this feeling away. It will be like a feather that will lift you out of that fear and self-consciousness every single time, all through your life.’ And then they told the children who were there that day the magic phrase that everyone else in the world knows about and uses when feeling blue, which only you don’t know, because you were home sick the day the grown-ups told the children the way the whole world works.

But there was not such a day in school. No one got the instructions. That is the secret of life. Everyone is flailing around, winging it most of the time, trying to find the way out, or through, or up, without a map. This lack of instruction manual is how most people develop compassion, and how they figure out to show up, care, help and serve, as the only way of filling up and being free. Otherwise you grow up to be someone who needs to dominate and shame others so no one will know that you weren’t there the day the instructions were passed out.”

One more anniversary post

by chuckofish

Reblogged from Bless This Mess who reblogged it from somewhere else.

Reblogged from Bless This Mess who reblogged it from somewhere else.

Who knew July was such a month for wedding anniversaries? My dual personality’s. The boy’s. And our brother celebrated one back in June.

Well, it’s okay to be proud of some things.  I ran across this picture on a blog and I thought it was worth sharing with our readers. Something to aspire to, as it were–the long marriage, that is, not the shirts!

I know a couple who has been married for 70 years–they’re in their nineties! This is mind-boggling to say the least.  And awesome.

Likewise awesome is this poem by Anne Bradstreet (the 17th-century Puritan who was the first poet and first female writer in the British North American colonies to be published.*)–To My Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay;
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so persevere,
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

I better end this post before I get started on Puritans. Most the people who read this popular poem at their own weddings nowadays probably don’t even know who Anne Bradstreet was and that she was a Puritan! Zut alors!

*According to Wikipedia.

Our big fat wasp wedding

by chuckofish

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Hard to believe, but it’s been a year since the boy got hitched!

On Saturday the old married folk came by and retrieved the top of their wedding cake which had been residing in our freezer for the past year.

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Looking back, the great event was a wonderful one indeed.

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Almost all the cousins (minus Foster) were together for the first time in a long time.

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The old fogies partied like it was 1980.

A good time was had by all. We hope that all parties involved live happily ever after!

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Brush up your Shakespeare

by chuckofish

— stop misquoting him now. As you know last Monday was my anniversary. So I thought I would at least mark the occasion with a card. Easier said than done; all the anniversary cards were either extremely sappy or overtly vulgar. Eventually I found an attractive “all occasion” card with a nice quote identified only as Shakespeare (the play was not mentioned):

…and we’ll live,
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh
At gilded butterflies…
And take upon’s the mystery of things,
As if we were God’s spies…

Well, thought I, that’s a nice sentiment and I can make an anniversary card out of it. My husband, who is less ignorant than I, recognized the passage and was rather bemused. Not only is it from King Lear (Act V, scene 3), but the card left out some important parts. In the original Lear speaks to Cordelia as follows:

No, no, no, no! Come, let’s away to prison.
We two alone will sing like birds i’ th’ cage.
When thou dost ask me blessing, I’ll kneel down
And ask of thee forgiveness. So we’ll live,
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh
At gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues
Talk of court news; and we’ll talk with them too-
Who loses and who wins; who’s in, who’s out-
And take upon’s the mystery of things,
As if we were God’s spies; and we’ll wear out,
In a wall’d prison, packs and sects of great ones
That ebb and flow by th’ moon.

Perfect. Let’s enjoy life imprisoned together — just the sentiment I wanted to share with my husband on our anniversary. The moral of the story? Never take a greeting card at face value and always check your sources!

A big kiss to my sweet sister for cheering me up with a phone call yesterday just when I needed it. She’s right, Jonathan Winters is hilarious!

“I was surrounded by phonies…They were coming in the goddam window.”

by chuckofish

Some time back I wrote a post about those historical figures with whom it would be awesome to share a meal. You may recall that daughter #2 brought up fictional characters and I said that that was a whole ‘nother post.

Well, it being mid-summer and Friday, I thought I’d get the ball rolling on that post. Here is a list of fictional (literary) characters I would invite to dinner. (Note: this list does not include any film or television characters and definitely no phonies.)

1. Holden Caulfield, The Catcher In the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
Any members of the Glass family would be welcome to stand in for Holden if he was AWOL and couldn’t make it.

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2. Philip Marlowe, numerous books and stories by Raymond Chandler
He really is my perfect man and no one, even Bogart, has done him justice on film.

the big sleep

3. Mr. Knightley, Emma (Jane Austen)
Sigh. Understanding, sensitive, handsome, humble, and rich.

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4. James Burke, Lord Jim (Joseph Conrad)
In addition to Jim, I would invite his friends Stein and Marlow. One of the quotes on my senior page was from this book.

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5. Shane, Shane (Jack Schaefer)
The archetype.

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6 and 7. Captain Call and Augustus McCrae, Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)
Some people might only invite Gus, but I love Captain Call just as much.

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8. Starbuck, Moby-Dick (Herman Melville)
Ahab’s Quaker first mate, who, alone among the crew, has his doubts about the captain’s motives. He just wants to make it home.

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9. The Fool, King Lear (W. Shakespeare)
The great secret of the successful fool – that he is no fool at all.

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10. Judah Ben Hur, Ben Hur (Lew Wallace)
He was devoted to his mother and his sister–in addition to being awesome.

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11. Francis Crawford of Lymond,The Game of Kings et al (Dorothy Dunnett)
Living by his wits and his sword-arm in 16th-century Scotland…

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12. Dick Summers, The Big Sky (A.B. Guthrie)
Mountain man and gentleman. Such a great character–the author had to bring him back in The Way West.

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13. Father Tim, At Home in Mitford et al (Jan Karon)
I’ll admit he’s a bit of a goodie-goodie and it’s true that he and his wife can be a bit much, but I do love this series of books and what would they be without Father Tim Kavanaugh at the center of them? Also he would probably agree to bring the main dish to the dinner and would offer the blessing.

At Home in Mitford

14. Owen Meany, A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
A REALLY GREAT GUY!

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If we wanted to spice things up a bit, maybe I would invite Raskolnikov, the young, stressed-out ex-student of law in Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, but I’m not sure if that would be a good idea.

I did not intend for this list to be all male, but that’s the way it ended up. In order to give equal time (not quite) to the ladies, I’ll add:

13 and 14. Lady Dona St. Columb (Frenchman’s Creek)

Frenchman's Creek

and Mary Yellan (Jamaica Inn) by Daphne DuMaurier

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15. Jane Eyre, Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)

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16. Precious Ramotswe, The #1 Ladies’ Detective Agency (Alexander McCall Smith)

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and from the animal kingdom: Miss Bianca, The Rescuers (Margery Sharp)

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and Charlotte, Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)

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All these ladies are smart, resourceful, brave, and do the right thing. Charlotte was also “a true friend and a good writer.”

As you can see, it is really easy to get carried away with an exercise such as this! I could go on and on. Who have I left out? Atticus Finch? TinTin? Richard Hannay? David Copperfield? Pippi Longstocking? Who would you invite?

You took the words right out of my mouth

by chuckofish

“I want less love of money, less judging others, less tattling, less dependence upon external appearance. I want to see more fruit of the Spirit in all things, more devotion of heart, more spirit of prayer, more real cultivation of mind, more enlargement of heart towards all; more tenderness towards delinquents, and above all more of the rest, peace and liberty of the children of God.”

Elizabeth Fry (21 May 1780 – 12 October 1845) was an English prison reformer, social reformer and, and a prominent Quaker of her day. She had many admirers, among them Queen Victoria, who granted her an audience a few times and contributed money to her cause. Another admirer was Robert Peel who passed several acts to further her cause including the Gaols Act 1823.

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Since 2001 Fry has been depicted on the reverse of £5 notes issued by the Bank of England. She is shown reading to prisoners at Newgate Prison. The design also incorporates a key, representing the key to the prison which was awarded to Fry in recognition of her work. However, as of 2016, Fry’s image on these notes will be replaced by that of Winston Churchill.

SHHHH!

by chuckofish

Quiet on set, please!
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On Monday Tim and I made our acting debuts as “background artists” (formerly known as extras) in a feature film. We spent an hour or so walking repeatedly down a hall while they filmed various takes of a one-minute scene. We were people on their way to a cello recital and then we got to be the audience. Alas, you’ll have to wait to see our two seconds of fame because I don’t have a picture. But here’s one that shows the director and crew getting ready for a shot. Note Chris, the stalwart PA, in the bottom right:

movie

Our participation only took a couple of hours, but Chris was hard at work until 1:30 am. C’est la vie.

Monday not only marked the end of my acting career, but it was my 24th wedding anniversary.

I probably used this last year

I probably used this last year

For the first time since we had children we celebrated alone (usually we don’t celebrate at all): nice bottle of wine, cheese and crackers, veg and dip — very much a normal evening.
Of course, Monday was also the new royal baby’s birthday.

everyone likes baby pics

I can’t say I was in the least caught up in “royal baby fever” and I don’t care what they name him, but I’m a sucker for a cute infant. I love his little hands and squished up face, don’t you?

Note: movie pics taken from facebook.

Let us have peace

by chuckofish

Today we remember Ulysses S. Grant, 18th President of the United States, who died on this day in 1885 at age 63. (I have blogged previously about cousin Lyss here and here.)

I admit that I am a big fan of Ulysses. He was a great general, a military genius and a President whose civil rights record could put to shame those of some modern politicians who like to talk the talk. He was a devoted husband and a good father. Furthermore, he was a really good writer, arguably the best of the Presidents in that regard.

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You might want to add this to your summer reading list.

As I have mentioned before, the act of writing his memoirs (without help or ghost writers or even a secretary) in order to provide for his nearly destitute family while dying of throat cancer was heroic with a capital “H”. He died a few days after completing them.

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In the end, the Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant was published to great acclaim by his friend Mark Twain, and Grant’s widow Julia received about $450,000.

General Grant National Monument, known as "Grant's Tomb"

General Grant National Monument, known as “Grant’s Tomb”

Millions of people viewed his New York City funeral procession in 1885 and attended Grant’s Tomb 1897 Manhattan dedication. And that wasn’t on television.

Let us toast him tonight with his own “perfect speech,” which he used time and again beginning in 1865:

“I rise only to say that I do not intend to say anything. I thank you for your hearty welcomes and good cheers.”

Scenes from my weekend

by chuckofish

“To know we are not alone, that our identity is not random but has a history and a meaning shared with others–that our existence has its own special kind of beauty–this is the great force of art to people moving against alienation.”

Adrienne Rich, “The Ink-Smudged Diaries of Adrienne Rich”

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I bought this little tray table at an estate sale on Saturday and I put it by my reading chair by the window.

Because my husband was given NCIS: Season 1 and Miami Vice: Season 3 for his birthday, we watched a lot of these guys:

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And I am not complaining. No siree. Some things just never get old.

I went through a lot of stuff in my office.

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The recycling bin was full today!

I tried to work in the yard, but it was just too muggy. They said it was supposed to be rainy all weekend, but it was merely humid. We could use the rain!

I finished My Mortal Enemy by Willa Cather–hardly a novella, more like a long short story–but very good as Willa always is. Such a good writer! Now I am reading The Prague Cemetery by Umberto Eco, which the boy gave to me for my birthday back in April.

Ecobooks

I also finished a needlepoint project that I have been working on.

fish needlepoint

All in all, a pleasant weekend. Life is good! What did you do this weekend?

An off week…

by chuckofish

not a week off. Unusually hot, humid weather (no kidding, we broke 90) and spotty air-conditioning slowed everything down, especially me. Nothing felt right or fun or productive, but we had a couple of good storms.

photo by Bruce Dana, northcountrynow.com

photo by Bruce Dana, northcountrynow.com

I started watching Jane Campion’s New Zealand missing person mystery, “Top of the Lake” on Netflix. The scenery is breath-taking

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but the show is unrelentingly grim and just teetering on the “men are bad and women are victims” abyss. It’s also rather mesmerizing and has good people in it. I may try again when I’m feeling perkier.

I also started reading a fascinating book about William James (famous philosopher and brother of the novelist, Henry James) and his “search for scientific proof of life after death”. The title,Ghost Hunters is unfortunate, but the book is readable and gives a detailed account of the conflict between science, popular spiritualists, and religion during the 19th century. Honestly, I thought only modern scientists were narrow-minded and arrogant about such matters — who knew it went back that far? Poor James and his cohort were basically pilloried for even suggesting that supernatural phenomena and the possibility of immortality were worth scientific investigation. I’m only about half-way through, so I reserve judgment.

And work has been particularly unsatisfactory.

if only they dated their letters!

if only they dated their letters!

The two projects I’m working on are driving me nuts. The evidence is like one of William James’s wispy ghosts — I can’t pin it down. Consequently, (metaphor alert!) my arguments seem to me about as solid as a house of cards. I have no confidence in any of it and feel like a fraud writing as if I do. Humph.

But never mind! My husband bought me another air-conditioner, so at least I’m cooler. How did your week go?