It ain’t no easy thing
by chuckofish
“Ever’one here think it easy for me. I be this good little church boy from Mississippi with my good little church-goin’ Mammy, and since I be this stupid country n**ger with the big faith, I don’t have no troubles. Well, it just don’t work that way. He paused. Jermain said nothing. “I see my friend Williams get ate by a tiger,” Cortell continued. “I see my friend Broyer get his face ripped off by a mine. What you think I do all night, sit around thankin’ Sweet Jesus? Raise my palms to sweet heaven and cry hallelujah? You know what I do? You know what I do? I lose my heart.” Cortell’s throat suddenly tightened, strangling his words. “I lose my heart.” He took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. He exhaled and went on quietly, back in control. “I sit there and I don’t see any hope. Hope gone.” Cortell was seeing his dead friends. “Then, the sky turn gray again in the east, and you know what I do? I choose all over to keep believen’. All along I know Jesus could maybe be just some fairy tale, and I could be just this one big fool. I choose anyway.” He turned away from his inward images and returned to the blackness of the world around him. “It ain’t no easy thing.”
Karl Marlantes, Matterhorn
A blessed Good Friday to all who “choose anyway”.
dual personalities 
Great quote! That is such a good book — Marlantes really understands the groups/human concerns his different characters represent. Everyone should read Matterhorn.
So similar to Melville’s Starbuck! Moby-Dick has to be next on your reading list
I thought the same thing! Not many books have actually made me cry and this one did multiple times. On to the white whale!
I really liked the character, Cortell. He made a really good point in the first half (I’m only half way through, I hope you saved my place!) about how “Jesus always spoke in parables so people can make up their own minds about what he meant.” I love that.
You have to finish this book!